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It’s Time for Science Episode 11: Social and Emotional Learning

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This month on It’s Time for Science, it’s time to talk about social and emotional learning (SEL)! Host Tom Racine interviews Dr. Kenneth Wesson, a consultant on the science of education, learning, and the brain, and Ilyse Opas, Independent Educational Consultant specializing in SEL.

Episode Summary

Tom begins by discussing with Dr. Wesson what SEL is and what it isn’t. Dr. Wesson highlights the need to make space for SEL in science classrooms and ways to integrate it into instruction. They also note the effect the COVID-19 pandemic had on SEL in schools and how the pandemic so profoundly reinforced the need to create safe spaces and environments for kids to learn.

With Ms. Opas, Tom asks how SEL can help students and educators know themselves better and understand their own emotions. Ms. Opas emphasizes how making space for SEL in classrooms can help students with interpersonal skills and academics. She mentions some of the programs that can help introduce SEL at a school or district level, as well as things educators can do to take better care of themselves.

Episode Guests

Dr. Kenneth Wesson

Kenneth Wesson is a former higher education faculty member and administrator. He delivers keynote addresses on the neuroscience of learning for educational organizations and institutions throughout the United States and overseas. His audiences range from early childhood specialists to university-level educators. seven continents. His research is frequently published and referenced in Parents Magazine, HealthNet, and Brain World. He is also a contributing author with Frog Street Press, the ECE publisher.

Dr. Wesson regularly addresses educational organizations, counseling associations, school districts, and parenting organizations on the subject of “brain-considerate” learning environments. In addition to his speeches on the neuroscience of learning, Dr. Wesson speaks on the subjects of early brain development, design and engineering, STEM and STEAM, social emotional learning, and curriculum development. Dr. Wesson also serves on the advisory boards for the Korean Institute of Brain Science, Kids at Science, and the International Association of STEM Leaders. He is an active member of Scientists without Borders and can be seen on PBS specials about human learning and the teenage years.

Learn more about Dr. Kenneth Wesson and SEL in science from FOSS Insights

Ilyse Opas

As an independent educational consultant, Ilyse Opas is passionate about examining and strengthening the relationships between literacy, equity, and SEL. She believes that supporting teacher wellness is the first step in creating safe and successful classrooms for all and co-created KindMind, an online SEL support group for educators, in 2020. Ilyse spent almost two decades in the public school system as an educator, intervention instructor/coordinator, and instructional coach before founding IRO Educational Consulting, an independent consultancy based in SEL, mindfulness, and restorative justice. She also serves as a Professional Learning Lead for Collaborative Classroom, facilitating training for their SEL and Collaborative Literacy programs. Ilyse received her Master of Arts in Elementary Education and teaching certification from Mills College and her 200-hour yoga/SEL certification through Breathe for Change, an organization dedicated to bringing yoga and mindfulness to educators throughout the world.

It’s Time for Science! To get in touch with us, whether to offer some feedback, ideas for future episodes or reviews, or just to say hi, send us a message at itstimeforscience@schoolspecialty.com. We’d love to hear from you!

Look for School Specialty and FOSS on X and FacebookIt’s Time for Science is produced by School Specialty® and the Full Option Science System (FOSS®) at the Lawrence Hall of Science, University of California, Berkeley.

Dr. Wesson’s article, Social Emotional Learning through Active Science, is available to read from a special FOSS Insights article on our FOSS website.





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ByHeart Formula Review | The Picky Eater

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This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Please read my disclosure.

My ByHeart Formula review takes a deep dive into this US brand that is truly one-of-a-kind. In this article, I will share what makes ByHeart baby formula stand out, how it compares to other trusted formulas, and what parents have to say. I hope you find this thorough breakdown helpful in determining if this formula is the best for your baby!

ByHeart infant formula  can on a blue background with a bottle and scoop next to it.ByHeart infant formula  can on a blue background with a bottle and scoop next to it.

Whether you’re a new parent or have been around the block, feeding your baby is often an overwhelming and challenging topic. While breastfeeding is often seen as the go-to and most natural choice, parents have a choice about whether to breastfeed or not. Breastfeeding comes with its own set of challenges, both physically and mentally, and things like latching issues, low milk supply, and birth recoveries make it even harder.

If you’re thinking about introducing formula to your baby or switching your older infant to formula, that’s totally okay! I believe that making sure your baby is well-fed is what matters most, regardless of the method.

Even with support from lactation consultants and others, a large percentage of moms eventually turn to formula for some part of their baby’s feeding journey. Personally, breastfeeding was one of the toughest parts of being a new mom for me. When my daughter was eight months old, I made the decision to switch her to formula.

When I made that choice, I did a ton of research online, talked to doctors, reached out to other moms and friends, and learned a lot about the formula industry to find the best option for my daughter. I’ve continued to stay up to date on formula trends and top brands, like ByHeart, hoping to make the research process easier for other parents.

For new moms worried about their baby’s health as well as their own mental and emotional well-being, finding a formula brand you can trust is really important. I get it, because I’ve been there!

To make your life easier and ease your mind, I have developed a working list of the best organic baby formulas that meet the highest standards and guidelines.

And good news, ByHeart is one of the best formulas, it is made with organic grass-fed whole milk and certified clean ingredients. While they may be considered a newer brand, they’ve really impressed me with their certified-clean ingredients and dedication to making the best formula possible to meet babies’ nutrition needs. 

In this ByHeart Infant Formula review, I’ll give you all the details you need to decide if it’s the right fit for you and your baby. I will go over potential drawbacks to consider, answer common questions, and more. Keep reading to learn about what makes ByHeart formula so special! 

But First, A Disclaimer

As a board-certified health coach and certified nutritionist, I support products and ingredients that are rooted in science and are evidence-based. Using my background in nutrition, along with extensive research (see below for details), consultations with experts, and my own personal experience giving my two kids formula, I have reviewed ByHeart’s Formula and recommend it highly. 

I may receive a commission (at no extra expense to you) if you purchase through the links provided. I only recommend brands that I have evaluated, believe are the highest quality, would give to my own two children, and that can do the most to help you and your family. By purchasing any of these products from the links below, you help keep this blog running, so thanks for your support!

Keep in mind that every baby & situation is different, so please consult with your pediatrician first, especially when starting or switching to a new formula. My recommendations are not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard or delay in seeking professional medical advice because of something you read here!

The Verdict: ByHeart Formula Is The Best Whole Milk Infant Formula Made In The US*

If you’ve been wondering, “Is ByHeart formula good?,” I am here to say YES! When it comes to the best infant formula made in the US with certified-clean ingredients, ByHeart is definitely one of my top choices! Many American baby formulas contain corn syrup, hexane-derived DHA, soy, and GMOs, but ByHeart baby formula is setting a higher standard! Their Whole Nutrition Infant Formula has received the Clean Label Project Purity Award, and organic, grass-fed whole milk and lactose are the first ingredients!

You can get ByHeart Formula on their website with a one-time purchase or subscribe & save option (more on this below). It is also available at Thrive Market, Publix, or Target. As you will see in this ByHeart review, there are so many reasons to love this US-made* infant formula with certified-clean ingredients.

*with globally sourced ingredients. 

What Is ByHeart Formula?

ByHeart Whole Nutrition Infant Formula is a milk based powder formula made with organic, grass-fed whole milk, and is intended for healthy, full-term babies 0-12 months of age.

The brand’s story begins back in 2016 as they started to recruit pediatric researchers, breast milk scientists, and world-class doctors to help build a new recipe from scratch. In 2017, they dove into research and development, intentionally raising standards on sourcing, ingredient integrity, and quality testing, and began the manufacturing process. They then went on to do a clinical trial (which I will expand upon later), were given the first-ever Clean Label Project Certification for a US infant formula (with globally sourced ingredients), and officially launched after registering with the FDA!

ByHeart works only with suppliers that they know and trust, and do not believe in taking any short cuts. The formula is certified pesticide free through the Clean Label Project and the company owns end-to-end manufacturing so they can have full control over the high quality and strict standards that they set. 

One look at ByHeart formula ingredients, and you’ll know that you can feel good about feeding it to your little one! Made with organic, grass-fed whole milk and non-GMO ingredients, this baby formula might be a newer player in the American market but definitely holds its own.

This amazing formula includes a patented protein blend that contains proteins alpha-lac and lactoferrin, the two most abundant proteins found in breast milk, and alpha-lac is at the same levels as breast milk. The formula contains lactose as the primary carbohydrate source and adds in gut healthy prebiotic fiber.

Most importantly, ByHeart doesn’t contain any palm oil, maltodextrin, gluten, or artificial growth hormones. (Note: No significant difference has been shown between milk derived from rbST-treated and non-rbST-treated cows).

Instead, it is made with only certified-clean ingredients that you’ll want when choosing an infant formula:

Organic Grass-Fed Whole Milk

ByHeart formula is made with organic, grass-fed whole milk, and they are the only American-made* baby formula to do so (most formula companies use skim milk). When compared to the vegetable oils that make up some formulas, whole milk has more fatty acids like palmitic acid that are more easily absorbed when in certain positions. 

Patented Protein Blend

ByHeart is the only American-made* baby formula company to add both alpha-lac and lactoferrin as separate ingredients, the two most abundant proteins found in breast milk. The formula also uses lactose as its primary carbohydrate, rather than maltodextrin or corn syrup like other formula brands. 

DHA & ARA Omega-3’s & Healthy Fats

ByHeart baby formula includes the Omega-3 fatty acid DHA and the Omega-6 fatty acid ARA. Their DHA is sourced from the algae plant schizochytrium sp. oil. They do not use hexane-extracted DHA. A combination of organic high oleic sunflower oil, organic low erucic rapeseed oil, organic coconut oil, and organic sunflower oil make up the rest of the fat content of this infant formula in addition to their organic, grass-fed whole milk. As noted above, the formula is made without any palm oil or soy oil!

Key Nutrients

ByHeart’s formula includes added iron, which is important in brain development (source). Additionally, you will find other essential vitamins and minerals such as Vitamin A, Vitamin D, Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, calcium, and magnesium. The formula also includes a lactose-derived, prebiotic GOS (galacto-oligosaccharide), which helps support a healthy gut microbiome (source).

Check out ByHeart’s full ingredient list for complete formula nutrition facts and ingredients.

Can of ByHeart formula open with a hand holding a spoon to scoop out formula.Can of ByHeart formula open with a hand holding a spoon to scoop out formula.

Here is what really sets ByHeart Whole Nutrition Infant Formula apart from the rest:

1. Clinically Proven Benefits

ByHeart ran the largest clinical trial by a new infant formula brand in 25 years! The trial included 311 babies over a 6 month time period. They are also the only new brand to add a comparison to breast milk, which I think is very valuable and important when trying to get as close to breast milk as possible—they were the first new infant formula brand to do this! The formula is clinically proven** for easier digestion, less spit up, softer poops, enhanced nutrient absorption, and more efficient weight gain. At 4 months of age, they also found there to be longer stretches between nighttime feeds.

**vs. a leading infant formula

2. Clean Label Project’s First 1,000 Day Promise Certification

ByHeart is the only US-made* infant formula to receive Clean Label Project’s First 1,000 Day Promise Certification! This is their highest tier, achieved thanks to rigorous third-party contaminant testing that covers 700 contaminants (versus the required 400). You know you are getting the highest quality of ingredients and nutrition when you choose ByHeart baby formula.

*with globally sourced ingredients 

3. Gentle On Tummies 

The formula uses a combination of whole and partially broken down proteins. The broken down proteins are gentler on tummies, while the whole proteins may have  added benefits. They also add in prebiotic GOS and the alpha-lac protein at breast milk levels, shown to support digestion (source). Their formula is clinically proven (source) and easy to digest!

4. Lactose Is The Primary Carbohydrate

ByHeart infant formula is made with lactose, which is the naturally occurring sugar in both breast milk and cow’s milk. You won’t find any added sugars or artificial sweeteners in this formula like corn syrup, sugar solids, or maltodextrin.

ByHeart Whole Nutrition Infant formula uses an algae-based DHA, without hexane for extraction. DHA Omega-3 is a key nutrient that helps support the growth and development of the brain in infants (source).

6. Small Batch Blending

They prioritize the integrity of the healthy fats in their formula by using a small batch process. Exposing the fats at a high heat for an extended duration of time can impact color of the formula, which is not ideal. 

7. Easy To Try Out With Their ByHeart Promise

You can start out with a one-time purchase before committing to a subscription (and you can continue with one-time purchases every time if preferred). If you are not happy with the product you can receive a refund on your first order thanks to their ByHeart Promise!

Drawbacks Of ByHeart Infant Formula

While there are so many amazing things that stand out about ByHeart, there are a few drawbacks I want to share with you. I do believe the pros outweigh the cons overall, but let’s take a look at some areas that could be improved:

  • Does not include added probiotics. While the formula does have a prebiotic, there are no added probiotics. However, you can talk to your doctor about supplementing with an infant probiotic if needed.
  • On the pricier side. For an American-made formula, it is on the higher end for cost. However, it is a larger can than some others on the market and obviously a higher-quality option. It comes in at $1.75/oz.
  • Is not a hypoallergenic formula. While it is made without allergens like soy protein, it is made with cow’s milk (like many formulas). If your baby has known food allergies, this may not be a good option for you.
  • Only one stage. ByHeart has just one stage for ages 0 to 12 months. While this is common for US formulas to have one stage, there are many European options that offer different stages of formula with subtle changes to ingredient amounts. 
  • Doesn’t have the official USDA Organic Certification: While ByHeart may not have the official USDA Organic Certification, their ingredients are certified-clean with highest quality nutrition and screened for over 700 contaminants. 
Four ByHeart formula cans on a blue background.Four ByHeart formula cans on a blue background.

How Does It Work?

Now that you know everything about ByHeart Formula and what makes it stand out amongst the rest, I am going to break down how and where to purchase this formula, how to mix it, and cost details.

How Does The ByHeart Subscription Model Work?

You can purchase ByHeart Infant Formula on their website as a one-time transaction, or you can sign up for their subscription service. When placing a subscription order, you have the option to purchase 4, 6, 8 or 12 cans.

With the Subscribe & Save service you save $3 per can, receive dedicated Sleepless Squad support, and can cancel or pause your plan at any time. They offer free shipping and a risk-free guarantee on your first order.

The subscription option can be a great choice for busy parents, ensuring you always have enough formula on hand and reducing the list of things you have to remember to do. If you have questions or concerns, reach out to their Sleepless Squad using their website chat box, text or call at 1-833-4BYHEART, or email at hello@byheart.com. 

Can You Purchase ByHeart Formula In Stores?

Yes! ByHeart formula is available to purchase at Target and Publix. I love that this makes it more accessible if you happen to run out of formula and need it quickly!

How To Mix ByHeart Formula

Now let’s get into ByHeart formula preparation. While ​​a few parents reported that the formula can be difficult to mix, most seem to have no issues when following the directions for preparation and use. Here are the ByHeart formula mixing instructions:

  1. Sterilize the bottle and utensils. Your doctor can advise if sterilizing water is necessary. Wash hands thoroughly before preparing the formula.
  1. Pour the desired amount of water in a bottle. Add powder according to the Mixing Guide. Use only the scoop provided. Store dry scoop underneath the cap.
  1. Cap bottle and SHAKE WELL. Feed immediately. Once feeding begins, use formula within 1 hour or discard.

What Does It Cost?

At the time of this article’s publication, ByHeart is sold on their website for $42 per 24 oz can ($1.75/oz), or $39 per 24 oz can when you subscribe. It goes for $38.99 for the same size can on Thrive Market.

Every 680g can of the formula mixes up to around forty to forty-four 4-fl oz sized bottles. 

What Do Parents Say About ByHeart Formula?

Overall, parents seem to be very happy with their experience using ByHeart formula! Check out some of the recent ByHeart baby formula reviews from verified customers of the brand, shared on the ByHeart Website

Easy Transition: “I recently finished my breastfeeding journey and have switched my baby to ByHeart. We did a gradual switch to get her used to the taste, but now that she is fully on formula we are having no issues. She looks forward to feeds, no spit-up, good digestion! Gaining weight and growing.” – Lucie

Great For Combo Feeding: “As a mom who is doing a bit of both (formula and breastmilk), I find that this is an easy formula for my son to transition to and from. Easy on the tummy. No spit up. Leaves him full and comfortable. Happy Baby, Happy Mommy!” – Isabella

No Added Junk: “I’m so thankful I found this product online. ByHeart doesn’t have junk in it. I feel better formula feeding now because of it.” – Aria

Gives Peace of Mind: “I chose ByHeart because I feel good about the ingredients that are (and aren’t) in it. It gives me peace knowing I’m feeding her the best I have to offer.” – Kamri

Great Customer Service: “We subscribed for a few months before he switched fully to solids, and interacted with the By Heart team on a few of the orders – really thankful that they always had quick answers to our questions and great customer service!” – Josh

How Does ByHeart Compare To Other Formula Brands?

ByHeart Formula vs. HiPP Formula

ByHeart is American made (with globally-sourced ingredients) and HiPP is European, with manufacturers in the Netherlands and Germany. Both brands of formula are made with organic whole milk, have high-quality ingredients, and contain DHA & ARA. You won’t find any added sugar, corn syrup, or other sugar solids in either of these formulas!

Here are the high-level differences between ByHeart and HiPP:

  • ByHeart is made in the US with globally sourced ingredients, HiPP is made in Europe
  • ByHeart has one stage of formula for babies 0-12 months of age, and depending on the country of origin HiPP has up to 4 stages
  • ByHeart is made with whole milk, HiPP is made with skim milk
  • ByHeart is FDA regulated, HiPP is regulated by the European Commission
  • ByHeart has no added probiotics, HiPP does have probiotics
  • ByHeart has no palm oil, HiPP contains palm oil

ByHeart vs. Bobbie

Both Bobbie and ByHeart are manufactured in the US and focus on promoting shame-free feeding journeys for all babies and their parents. Each of their formulas are non-GMO, certified pesticide-free, made with organic grass-fed milk, and are made without corn syrup, gluten, hexane-extracted DHA, and palm oil. They are also both Clean Label Project Purity Award winners and are known to be good for easy digestion.

Bobbie differs from ByHeart in that it contains organic nonfat milk. Since the formula is made without whole milk (like ByHeart), Bobbie uses more vegetable oils to create a nutritionally complete infant formula that meets FDA standards. These added vegetable oils aren’t harmful, but formulas made with whole milk do have more milk fat itself, as breast milk does.

ByHeart vs. Similac

ByHeart and Similac are both American-made formulas. ByHeart is made with milk from grass-fed cows and is non-GMO. ByHeart also has no palm oil, syrup solids or added sugar, and lactose is the primary carbohydrate. Similac has some formulas made with milk from grass-fed cows and some non-GMO options. Not all of Similac’s formulas has lactose as the primary carbohydrate (Similac also uses maltodextrin in some formulas).

With Similac you are more likely to find nonfat milk and soy in their ingredient list, while ByHeart contains whole milk and no soy. Similac does have organic formula options in their product line but they do not use whole milk. 

ByHeart vs. Enfamil

ByHeart and Enfamil both contain DHA and stay away from added sugars. Here are some of the main differences between the two brands:

  • Enfamil is well established and has a large variety of formulas to meet your specific needs. ByHeart only has one, all-in-one infant formula and is considered a newer brand.
  • Enfamil contains palm oil, but ByHeart does not.
  • Enfamil contains maltodextrin, ByHeart does not.
  • Enfamil organic has a 20:80 whey-to-casein ratio, while ByHeart has a 80:20 whey-to-casein ratio that mirrors colostrum and early breast milk.

ByHeart vs. Kendamil

Even though Kendamil is made in the UK, both brands meet FDA requirements. Both brands use grass-fed whole milk and include DHA, while avoiding palm oil, sugar, and syrup solids.

But only one Kendamil product includes added alpha-lactalbumin, and neither of their US products add lactoferrin, which ByHeart does have. Kendamil only includes whole proteins, while ByHeart includes a combination of whole and broken down proteins for easy digestion. Kendamil has two formulas sold in the US – one that’s certified Organic by the Soil Association, and one that’s not. ByHeart is not organic.

ByHeart Formula FAQs

Is ByHeart formula FDA approved?

All formulas sold in the US must be FDA registered before going on the market. ByHeart has been through the process for FDA registration and meets all of the FDA requirements. 

What’s the shelf life of ByHeart formula?

Unopened cans of ByHeart are good for 24 months. For exact dates, you can see the “Use By” date on the bottom of your can. Once opened, the formula can be used within one month when stored correctly with the lid on tight.

Can I get samples?

At this time ByHeart does not offer any free samples for their formula to consumers. However, when you purchase through ByHeart.com, your first order comes with the ByHeart Promise. Ultimately, if you and your baby don’t absolutely love it, you can get your money back! 

Does ByHeart have heavy metals?

ByHeart’s Whole Nutrition Infant Formula was the first Clean Label Project-certified infant formula in the US, and was screened for over 400 contaminants, including heavy metals and pesticides. On top of this, their own quality program screens for over 700 contaminants. You can have peace of mind knowing that ByHeart is certified to meet rigorous standards and thorough testing.

ByHeart infant formula can on a pink background with a bottle and scoop next to it.ByHeart infant formula can on a pink background with a bottle and scoop next to it.

Final Thoughts

I hope this ByHeart baby formula review has been a helpful tool for you on your journey to find the right choice for your little one! I am always staying updated with the best formulas on the market, and hope that my knowledge and experience can provide the insight you’ve been looking for!

Overall, I find ByHeart to be one of the best US formulas and I am so happy that they use whole milk. I really appreciate their high standards, which are backed by their clinical testing and Clean Label Project Purity Award. With small batch manufacturing and patented protein blend, they really are unlike anything else on the market today. 

Of course, there are some drawbacks you might consider but there is so much to love about ByHeart! I think ByHeart infant formula is a solid choice for healthy, full-term babies and parents say it is a great formula to transition with or combo feed. Plus, you really have nothing to lose since they offer a money-back guarantee on first time purchases!

If you have more questions about ByHeart, or want to share your personal experience with this formula, feel free to comment below or send me a message. I am happy to help and look forward to reading your comments!

More Helpful Baby Formula Guides!





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Our 45-Year Men’s Group: Honoring Tony, A Man of Great Generosity and Patience

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I am an only child by birth, but Tony became the brother I never had. It began the day I attended a workshop on April 21, 1979. I had recently moved to Mill Valley from Stockton California after my marriage had ended. I felt alone and hungry for connection. I saw a flyer tacked on a bulletin board that grabbed my attention:

“Men, come and share a day with other men and hear psychologist Herb Goldberg, author of The Hazards of Being Male. We will explore the complexities of men’s roles today.”

            Goldberg said,

“There is a lot of talk these days about male privilege. It’s true that males, as a group, occupy many positions of power in society, but the male has paid a heavy price for his masculine privilege and power. He is out of touch with his emotions and his body. He is playing by the rules of the male game plan and with lemming-like purpose he is destroying himself—emotionally, psychologically and physically.”

            I could certainly relate to his words and I was looking for a different way to be in the world.

            The day with Goldberg and what followed changed my life. The day wasn’t about gender politics or trying to figure out who was more harmed by the social system. It was about taking responsibility for our own wounds and supporting each other in healing. One of the exercises we did, was to have each man reflect on the times we had felt dropped-out or betrayed by other males in our lives.

            I talked about my father’s anger and his leaving the family when I was five years old, something I had rarely discussed with anyone, and certainly not in front of a group of strangers. As other men talked about their own experiences, I realized I wasn’t alone. Many men had experienced a father wound. But there were other hurts and betrayals.

            One man talked about being the youngest in his family and having two older brothers who tormented him. Another talked about his hunger to have a child. He was willing to give up a relationship that was good in all other ways, except the woman didn’t want children. I’d never heard a man talk so fervently about wanting to be a dad.

            Tony was one of the fifteen men attending the gathering. He was tall, good-looking, soft-spoken, but very approachable.

            After the day had ended, we all had opened ourselves up to vulnerabilities and wounds we had never shared before. I felt I had found soul brothers and wanted to continue the experience. Tom, one of the organizers, invited anyone interested to meet the following Thursday at his home. Ten of us showed up and we discussed the idea of meeting weekly for a men’s group. I was pleased to see that one of the men who came was Tony. After a few weeks, the group was reduced to seven and we have continued meeting since then.

            My wife, Carlin, says that one of the main reasons she feels we have had a wonderful forty-four-year marriage is because I have been in a men’s group that has been meeting for forty-five years.

            In my book12 Rules for Good Men I reflected on the many experiences we went through together in the group and described the following 7 Stages:

  • Learning to Trust and Open Up.
  • Revealing Our True Selves, Fears, and Insecurities.
  • Baring our Bodies and Souls.
  • Finding Delight and Having Great Fun Together.
  • Revitalizing the Group (After we had been together twelve years, one of the guys said we seemed like an old and comfortable married couple. We needed to spice things up, and we did).
  • Making a Lifetime Commitment to Keeping the Group Together.
  • Dealing With Disabilities, Loss, and Dying.

            When the group began in 1979, I was thirty-six. There were three guys older than me and three guys younger. I turned eighty last year and am now the group elder. Four of us have passed on and three of us are still alive. Tony passed on May 26, 2024 and we are still in the process of mourning his death and celebrating the gifts that he has left us.

            There are two qualities that stand out to me about Tony. The first quality is his patience. In a world where everyone seems to be in a rush, Tony always took his time. He listened and reflected deeply. When he did talk, it was always with gentleness, clarity, and an ability to cut through the chatter and noise and get to the heart of the matter.

            In recent years he had to deal with many health challenges and would say that it was like an endless “whack-a-mole,” dealing with one problem, only to have another one pop up and demand his attention. But he handled each one with grace and courage.

            The second quality is his generosity. We would take turns meeting in different places, sometimes in one of our homes, sometimes in another. Sometimes we would rent a house in a beautiful area, often by the ocean. Whenever we met, when it was Tony’s turn to host he would go out of his way to make the experience special. Spending time with Tony was always a cornucopia good food, good wine, good cheer, and always a surprise or two.

            His generosity of spirit went beyond the things that a great host, friend, and brother would do. He was like a virtuoso musician (He loved music and had been a roadie for the Sons of Champlin rock band in the 1960s and 1970s) who paid attention to details. And the details all had to do with the music of love and life.

            One of the experiences that Tony and I had together was attending one of the last performances that the band the Eagles gave at the Cow Palace in San Francisco on March 10, 1980. I had seen the Eagles perform shortly after the band formed in the 1970s and danced and sang to iconic songs like Peaceful Easy Feeling, Tequila Sunrise, and Desperado (for me the ultimate song that spoke to my wounded heart—as it has to so many males I know–with lyrics

like these:

Desperado, you know you ain’t gettin’ no younger
Your pain and your hunger, are drivin’ you home
And freedom, oh freedom
Well, that’s just some people talkin’
Your prison is walking
Through this world all alone…

And don’t your feet get cold in the wintertime?
The sky won’t snow, and the sun won’t shine
It’s hard to tell the night-time from the day
You’re losin’ all your highs and lows
Ain’t it funny how the feelin’ goes away?

Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin’, but there’s a rainbow above you…

And the last plaintive lines:

You better let somebody love you (let somebody love you)
Let somebody love you before it’s too late.

            On our last telephone call before Tony passed he told me,

“I received a loving intervention from some medical professionals today who made it clear to me that I am dying. Just wanted to touch in with you and the guys. There will be no grand gestures or parties or anything like that. I just want to remember the great times we have had together these many years. I love you, my brother. You do the great work and I love you so much.”

            Being with Tony and the five other men in our group has given me lessons about courage and love that I will take with me for the rest of my life. Tony, I love you too, brother. Your spirit will continue to bless us all.

            As we all had agreed, our group will carry on until the last man has passed and will live on through the lives of those we love and whose lives we have touched.

            My commitment to men and the work I do is to write an article each week and send out a free newsletter to anyone who would like to subscribe. You can do so here.

            I also offer a number of on-line courses on some of the most important issues people address in their lives. You can check them out here.



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Healthy Vegan Smash Cake | The Picky Eater

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My easy vegan smash cake is perfect for a baby’s first birthday, with layers of moist cake, homemade coconut cream frosting, and fresh blueberries. It’s entirely vegan, nut-free, egg-free, dairy-free, refined sugar-free, and common allergen friendly, making it ideal for little ones. It’s a delicious, healthy cake for your baby to dig into and enjoy on their special day!

Healthy vegan smash cake topped with blueberries and vegan frosting with 1st birthday decorations on top.

When I was planning for my kids’ first birthday celebrations I was hesitant to buy a store-bought traditional cake, mainly because many store-bought cakes can contain artificial ingredients and are usually loaded with sugar!

My kids had also never had sugar prior to their first birthday (with the exception of foods sweetened with real fruit) so I really wanted to prepare them a healthier cake that tasted just as good as a typical birthday cake.

So I set out to create a baby smash cake recipe that is fun, beautiful, festive, egg-free, and common allergen friendly. What resulted is a light, fluffy, and naturally sweetened vegan smash cake that contains no eggs, dairy, or nuts! And it’s just as easy to make as it is baby friendly!

With layers of fluffy sugar-free coconut cream frosting for baby and fresh vibrant blueberries, my vegan 1st birthday cake recipe was a huge hit with both my kids – and all of our party guests too! The fun tradition of baby smash cakes can still be upheld with a healthy cake that baby will love!

My vegan smash cake is essentially a small cake that functions as baby’s first birthday cake. It is made for a baby alone to play with, mash, and eat. Most smash cakes are no larger than 6 inches in diameter, and mine is a similar size.

Of course, your baby won’t eat the whole cake, but they will have tons of fun playing with the cake in their hands and gobbling up bits and pieces. Both of my kids loved playing with their cakes when I served it to them!

After we took plenty of 1st birthday smash cake photos, the leftovers were enjoyed by family members who didn’t mind eating a smashed up cake! For the adults, I served it with a scoop of my lychee ice cream or mango nice cream and it tasted great.

My vegan baby smash cake is also ideal for little ones with food allergies. It’s a naturally egg-free, nut-free, and dairy-free smash cake recipe just for them! My recipe uses whole wheat flour for added fiber, but I’ve provided an easy gluten-free substitution below.

This recipe is also processed-sugar free! Instead of sugar, I use bananas and applesauce to naturally sweeten the cake. This is important because studies show that introducing children to natural, less sugary foods early on can help them develop a preference for healthier foods later in life (source).

My vegan smash cake recipe doesn’t require any advanced techniques or exotic ingredients. It’s perfect for beginner bakers: you can skip those complicated egg free baby cake recipes and make this instead. I promise it will be the highlight of your baby’s first birthday party!

Latest Recipe Video!

🥘 Ingredients

My vegan baby birthday cake recipe only calls for less than 10 simple ingredients easily found at any grocery store! Here’s what you need:

Ingredients for healthy vegan smash cake recipe on a white background.

For The Cake

Flour: This vegan cake for baby uses both whole wheat flour and all-purpose flour. I choose whole wheat flour to add fiber and whole grains, but it can be nutty and dense. So to keep the cake light and fluffy, I added some all-purpose flour. However, you can use all whole wheat flour or oat flour if you prefer, but keep in mind this banana cake will be slightly denser.

Ground Cinnamon: Adds a warm spiced flavor.

Ripe Banana: The riper the banana, the better! My dairy-free baby cake turns out best when you use super spotty or brown bananas, as the natural sugars in the bananas give the cake moisture and sweetness.

Applesauce: I use applesauce as a replacement for oil, which makes this cake oil free while still providing moisture and a fluffy texture. Use unsweetened applesauce for a refined sugar-free smash cake! Melted coconut oil can be used as a substitute. 

Baking Powder And Salt: Helps the vegan baby cake rise and gives it structure without the need for eggs.

For The Frosting

My simple and dairy free frosting recipe is made with coconut cream, but has a texture similar to cream cheese frosting. It’s the perfect healthy frosting for your baby’s cake and it’s easy to make.

Coconut Cream: First, make sure to buy a 15oz can of full-fat coconut cream, not coconut milk. Refrigerate it in the can overnight. When you’re ready to prepare this healthy frosting for baby, carefully scrape the cream that has risen and solidified at the top of the can, leaving the water at the bottom. It’s important to get as much cream as possible without any water for the best results.

Agave Syrup: You only need a little sugar to lightly sweeten the coconut cream frosting, and I chose agave for a refined sugar free option. Maple syrup is another great choice. However, you can leave it out if you prefer a completely eggless sugarless cake for baby. 

Vanilla Extract: Gives the birthday smash cake frosting a lovely vanilla flavor.

🔪 How To Make A Vegan Smash Cake

If this is your first time making a smash cake recipe, you’ll be happy to know that my dairy and egg free cake for baby comes together in just a few easy steps. 

See the recipe card at the bottom of the post for the full recipe and ingredient measurements. You can also follow along with the video below!

Making The Cake

Prepare Oven And Round Cake Pans: First, I preheat my oven to 360 degrees Fahrenheit (180 degrees Celsius). Then I line the bottom of two 6 inch pans with parchment paper.

Whisk The Dry Ingredients Together: In a medium mixing bowl, I use an electric mixer or whisk to combine both types of flour, cinnamon, baking powder, and salt together. 

Whisking the dry ingredients together in a bowl.

Whisk The Wet Ingredients Together: In a separate mixing bowl, I whisk together the mashed banana, applesauce, and vanilla extract.

Whisking applesauce in a large white and blue mixing bowl.

Fold Wet Ingredients Into Dry Ingredients: Then I add the banana mixture to the dry ingredients and fold them together. Be careful not overmix the egg-free smash cake batter.

Mixing up the healthy smash cake batter in a mixing bowl.

Add Batter To The 6-Inch Cake Pans: Pour the batter into the prepared tins and smooth out the top. I use an offset spatula or the back of a spoon for this step.

The cake batter divided evenly between the cake pans before baking.

Bake: In my oven, the cakes take about 25-30 minutes to bake. This dairy-free smash cake is ready when a toothpick inserted into the middle comes out clean and the cakes are pulling away from the sides of the pan. 

Cool The Cakes: Remove the cakes from the oven. I let them cool in the cake pans for 5 minutes before turning them out onto a wire cooling rack to cool completely to room temperature.

Two baked loaves of healthy smash cake on a wire cooling rack.

Making The Frosting

Prepare Frosting: While this eggless smash cake is cooling, I make the sugar free coconut cream frosting for baby. First, I scoop the chilled coconut cream from the can, leaving the water that has sunk to the bottom.

Whip Coconut Cream: Using a hand mixer, I whip the coconut cream for about 5-8 minutes, or until firm peaks have formed and it resembles whipped cream.

Add Flavor: Add the agave (if using) and the vanilla extract to the whipped coconut cream. (Omit the agave for a sugar free frosting for baby). Then whip it in until fully combined. This typically takes me another 2-3 minutes.

Whipping up coconut cream in a bowl.

Assembling And Decorating The Cakes

Level Cakes: Level the allergen-free smash cake layers by slicing the tops off. I recommend using a sharp serrated knife to make clean lines. 

Slicing the domes of the cake off on a weekend cutting board.

Frost: Add several dollops of icing to one layer of cake and spread them evenly. 

Spreading the coconut cream on the bottom layer of the smash cake.

Layer Cakes: Arrange the blueberries on top of the frosted cake. Then, I top it with the other cake layer.

Frost And Decorate The Layer Cake: Top this applesauce and banana smash cake with the rest of the icing and sprinkle with the remaining blueberries.

Serve: Present this small frosted cake to your baby to smash or keep it chilled in the refrigerator until it’s serving time!

An overhead shot of the smash cake decorated with blueberries.

My #1 Secret Tip for making the perfect dairy-free cake for baby is to thoroughly chill the full-fat coconut cream overnight. This step is crucial to creating a firm and stable frosting that can be whipped to the right consistency. Properly chilled coconut cream will give you a smooth, creamy frosting that will hold up well on the cake.

Other Tips To Keep In Mind:

  • Combine Wet and Dry Separately: Whisk the wet ingredients and dry ingredients together in separate bowls before mixing together.
  • Don’t Overmix: Gently fold the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and don’t overmix beyond when the streaks of flour just disappear from the batter. Mixing any further will result in a dense, chewy, or rubbery cake.
  • Stand Mixer Directions: This homemade vegan smash cake recipe can also be made in the bowl of a stand mixer. To do so, blend the wet ingredients together in a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. After whisking the dry ingredients together in a separate large bowl, add them to the wet ingredients and blend in until no streaks of flour remain. Scrape down the sides of the bowl as needed.
  • Lining the Cake Pans: Line the baking pans with parchment paper so that the cakes easily release from them.
  • Cake Doneness: Keep an eye on this vegan first birthday cake for your baby when it’s baking in the oven. Near the end of the baking time, pull it out when it begins to brown, and when a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean.
  • Chill Your Bowl and Beaters: When whipping the coconut cream for the frosting, chill your mixing bowl and beaters in the refrigerator for about 15 minutes beforehand. This helps achieve a firmer, more stable frosting.
  • Frosting Tips: Cool the cakes completely before frosting. Otherwise, the frosting will melt on the cakes.
  • Don’t Use Boxed Cake Mix: While you can technically substitute boxed cake mix in for the flour, I wouldn’t recommend it because it really is so easy to make your own smash cake at home! Also, boxed cake mix won’t be as healthy or flavorful as my diy healthy smash cake recipe.
  • Refrigerate the Cake Until Serving: The coconut frosting will stay the most stable at cool temperatures, so keep this vegan dairy free first birthday cake refrigerated until ready to serve.

📖 Variations

Gluten-Free Smash Cake: To make this egg-free smash cake without gluten, substitute 1½ cups of your favorite 1-to-1 gluten-free flour mix for the whole wheat and all-purpose flour.

Fluffier Texture: If your child doesn’t have any egg allergies, 2 large eggs can substitute for the applesauce, resulting in a lighter cake texture.

Banana Cake Smash: For a more banana-forward flavor, use additional pureed banana instead of the applesauce. Additionally, you can decorate this special cake with sliced bananas instead of blueberries. Feel free to also add a dash of cinnamon and nutmeg into the batter to get that banana bread feel!

For Older Kids: My smash cake with no eggs also doubles as a healthy cake for toddlers, or slightly older kids, because it really is so tasty that kids of all ages will enjoy it! For older kids, let them customize the toppings and fillings as much as they like (and of course, they likely won’t be smashing it before eating it!)

Mixed Berry Smash Cake: You can use any fresh berries of choice in place of the blueberries. Just avoid using frozen berries.

Mixed Fruit: For another baby cake smash idea, you can also decorate this cake with diced apples, pears, peaches, cherries, or mandarin oranges.

Frosting Variations: Try strawberry or chocolate frosting instead of vanilla! For a chocolate flavor cake frosting, mix 1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder with the coconut cream and agave. For strawberry frosting, take freeze dried strawberries, grind them into a powder, and mix with the coconut cream and agave. 

No Frosting: You can also skip the frosting altogether and replace it with your favorite fruit puree or nut butter like peanut butter or almond butter (assuming your baby doesn’t have any nut allergies!)

Vegan smash cake topped with blueberries and vegan frosting with 1st birthday decorations on top.

🫙 Storage Directions

Fridge: Store all the yummy leftover smashed-up cake in an airtight container in the refrigerator for 4-5 days.

Freezer: You can store unfrosted baked layers of cake in a freezer-safe container for 2-3 months. Before freezing, I separate the layers with parchment paper or plastic wrap to prevent them from freezing together. Defrost at room temperature for 2-3 hours before frosting.

❓Recipe FAQs

Why is my frosting runny and how do I fix it?

Chilling the coconut cream inadequately or including too much water can make coconut cream frosting runny. To fix it, refrigerate the frosting for 30 minutes and whip it again.

Can I make the frosting by hand if I don’t have a mixer?

Yes, you can use a sturdy whisk. It will take longer and require more effort, but it’s possible. Whisk vigorously for about 10-15 minutes.

What do I do if my cake won’t come out of the pan?

If your vegan smash cake won’t release, run a knife around the edges to loosen it. Then place a cooling rack on top of the pan and flip it upside down, tapping gently on the bottom to release the cake. If that doesn’t work, let the pan sit for a few minutes and try again. Grease your pans well and line them with parchment paper before baking to prevent sticking.

What can I use if I don’t have 6-inch round pans?

You can use 8-inch round pans but the layers will be thinner, so you’ll need to reduce the baking time and check for doneness earlier. You can also use a muffin pan to make mini cakes, which usually take around 15-20 minutes to bake.

Vegan smash cake with a piece cut out of it and the piece on a white plate in the foreground.

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📋 Recipe Card

Healthy Vegan Smash Cake

My healthy vegan smash cake is made with wholesome ingredients, and it’s refined sugar-free! It’s the perfect pick for your baby’s first birthday celebration. Layered with coconut cream and blueberries, it’s nut-free, egg-free, dairy-free, free of common allergens, and has an easy gluten-free option too!

Prep Time10 minutes

Cook Time30 minutes

Total Time40 minutes

Course: Dessert

Cuisine: American

Diet: Vegan, Vegetarian

Servings: 12 people

Calories: 210kcal

Shop Ingredients on Jupiter

  • Gluten-Free: To make this cake gluten free, substitute 1 1/2 cups of 1-to-1 gluten-free flour for the all-purpose and whole wheat flour.
  • Texture: This cake is quite dense. You can substitute the apple sauce for 2 eggs if you prefer a fluffier cake. Doing so will make this cake no longer vegan, however. 
  • Berries: Switch up the cake by using any fresh berries of choice. Avoid from using frozen berries, however. 
  • Storage: Smash cake leftovers can be stored in an airtight container in the refrigerator for 4-5 days. 
  • Freezing: Un-iced cake layers can be frozen in a freezer-safe container for 2-3 months. Defrost the cakes at room temperature for 2-3 hours and then frost according to the recipe directions.

Serving: 1slice | Calories: 210kcal | Carbohydrates: 23g | Protein: 3g | Fat: 13g | Saturated Fat: 11g | Polyunsaturated Fat: 1g | Monounsaturated Fat: 1g | Sodium: 52mg | Potassium: 301mg | Fiber: 3g | Sugar: 6g





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