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The Hidden Secret For Becoming a Sexually Successful Male

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Part 4

In Part 1 of “The Hidden Secret For Becoming a Sexually Successful Male,” I described the lessons I had learned in my life between the ages of 8 and 80.  I said the secret was what I called Quiet Confidence or QC. In Part 2, I described the three interrelated reasons why this secret has been hidden from us. In Part 3, I described four practices we would embrace and follow to develop our Quiet Confidence. In this final part of the series, I will continue to offer specific practices you can engage.

5. Be True to Yourself

In my Junior High School yearbook, my mother offered her advice in this well-known quote from William Shakespeare. “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” At the time I had very little idea about what it meant to be true to myself, but I remembered the quote and I learned more as my life journey unfolded.

Humans are social animals and as such we are forever influenced by those around us. When we are surrounded by loving, caring, and healthy people that is a good thing. But as humans, we are all flawed. No one is perfectly good, not even Mother Teresa or the Dalai Lama who are great examples of being exemplary human beings.

We all have experiences of trying to live up to someone’s expectations of who we should be, whether our mothers or fathers, brothers or sisters, friends, or social-media friends. Yet, we can’t let others define us. We must do our best to be truly ourselves. The unconventional Christian pastor Brennan Manning summed up his advice this way.

“Be who you is, ’cause if you ain’t who you is, you is who you ain’t.”

6. Follow the Golden Thread of Your True Self

Years ago I had a vision that all of us have a “golden thread” that connects us to our true selves. Even when we lose that connection and are forced by life’s circumstances to drop the connecting thread, it is always there to pick up again. I found a poem in later life that helped me better understand the importance of keeping attached to that thread of goodness and authenticity.

It’s called “The Way It Is” by William Stafford:

“There’s a thread you follow. It goes among things that change. But it doesn’t change. People wonder about what you are pursuing. You have to explain about the thread. But it is hard for others to see. While you hold it you can’t get lost. Tragedies happen; people get hurt or die; and you suffer and get old. Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding. You never let go of the thread.”

7. Get to Know Your Right Brain

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor is a Harvard trained and published neuroanatomist. On December 10, 1996, at the age of thirty-seven, she experienced a severe hemorrhage in the left hemisphere of her brain which almost killed her. She suddenly lost her ability to walk, talk, read, write, or recall any of her former life. As she was experiencing this cataclysmic occurrence, she alternated between the experiencing the euphoria of feeling the intuitive and kinesthetic right brain, in which she felt a sense of complete well-being and pace, and the logical, sequential, left brain, which recognized she was having a stroke and enable her to call for help before she died.

She recounts her experience in a now famous TED talk, “My Stroke of Insight,” seen by nearly 30 million people and described in her book, My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey. After watching the TED talk and reading the book, I reached out to Dr. Taylor and interviewed her. She told me our culture has become too left-brain focused and we all, particularly men, need to get better acquainted with our intuitive, feminine, body-centered, right brain.

She introduced me to her colleague Dr. Iain McGilchrist author of The Master and His Emissary: The Divided Train and the Making of the Western World. Dr. McGilchrist says, that the right and left brains perform the same basic functions, but in very different ways.

“The two hemispheres have styles — takes, if you like, on the world. The left hemisphere’s goal is to enable us to manipulate things, whereas the goal of the right hemisphere is to relate to things and understand them as a whole. These two ways of thinking are both needed but are, fundamentally at the same time, incompatible.”

Dr. McGilchrist concludes saying,

“We behave like people who have right hemisphere damage that treats the world as a simple resource to be exploited. It’s made us enormously powerful. It’s enabled us to become wealthy, but it’s also meant that we’ve lost the means to understand the world, to make sense of it, to feel satisfaction and fulfilment through our place in the world.”

Reconnecting with our right-brain, and letting it guide our lives, allows us to balance our minds and helps us find the Quiet Confidence so many of us have lost.

8. Understand the Four Brain Characters That Drive Your Life

When I spoke to Dr. Taylor she told me that understanding the four brain characters was the crowning insight from her personal experience and studies of neuroscience. In her follow-up book, Whole Brain Living: The Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Your Life she offers a very simple, yet powerful set of practices, that can help us understand and get in touch with the four characters that make up our brains.

“There is now convincing neuroanatomical evidence of the existence of four brain characters,”

says Dr. Taylor.

“There is a thinking character and an emotional character. Neuroanatomically these four groups of cells make up the left and right-thinkingcenters of our higher cerebral cortex, as well as our left and right emotional centers of our lower limbic system. The better you know your Four Characters, the easier your life will become.”

            Character 1. This rational character in your left-brain thinking brain character and is amazingly gifted at creating order in the external world. This part of your brain defines what is right/wrong and what is good/bad based upon its moral compass. It is also our left-brain Character 1 that triggers our stress response since it is a perfectionist in all it does and stays alert to what will help us survive.

            Dr. Taylor suggests we name each of our brain characters as a way to begin to become intimate with these unique characters within us. She calls her Character 1, Helen. “She is hell on wheels and gets things done.”

I call my Character 1, Jaydij  for Just Do It, Jed. This character is action oriented, takes no prisoners. He is impatient and jumps to creating solutions, often before he gets all the facts. Rather than taking his time–On your mark, get set, go–he often “goes off” quickly, never needing to get ready or set. This can, and often does, cause problems with relationships.

            As you get to know your own Character 1, you will come up with your own name and learn his or her characteristics. Dr. Taylor lists some of the characteristics of Character 1 as follows:

  • Organizes and categorizes everything.
  • Divides people into we and they.
  • Is protective of our people and suspicious of their people.
  • Critically judges right and wrong, good and bad.

            Character 2. The left-brain emotional character is preoccupied with one vital question: “Am I safe?” This is the core issue for any intimate relationship as well as our very survival through our long evolutionary history.

            Character 2 is often powered by a familiar feeling of unease that stems from either a traumatized or out-of-control past. As a result, this Character 2 part of our brain may end up feeling either “less than” or “not worthy.” It can also bring up fears of abandonment. That’s why I call my Character 2, Aban.

            A great deal of the conflicts I have had in relationships can be traced back to my fears that my safety and security needs were being threatened.

            Dr. Taylor says some of the most important characteristics of Character 2 include:

  • Gets angry and blames others when upset.
  • Feels guilty and internalizes shame.
  • Loves conditionally and has negative self-judgment.
  • Experiences a great deal of anxiety and worry.

            Where Characters 1 and 2, address issues of our past and future and how we can  use things and people, our right brain Characters 3 and 4 are all about the present moment and how we can connect with others and appreciate their uniqueness.

            Character 3. The right-brain emotional, is our experiential self that seeks similarities rather than differences with other people. It wants to connect, explore, and go on adventures with others. The way the present moment feels is delicious, and sharing time, having fun, or deeply connecting through empathy can be gratifying for everyone.

            I call my Character 3, Jeddy, the endearing name my wife, Carlin, calls me when we are feeling the most connected and playful. Jeddy is like a big joyful puppy dog. He is spontaneous, exuberant, unrestrained. He may unexpectedly jump into your lap and lick your face. He also can overwhelm you with his barks of delight and may even pee here and there when he is overly excited.

Dr. Taylor says some of the most important characteristics of Character 3 include:

  • Awe-inspiring.
  • Playful.
  • Empathic.
  • Creative.

Character 4. The right-brain thinking character which exists as our most peaceful, open, and loving self. Our Character 4 is right here, right now, and completely invested in celebrating the gift of life with immense gratitude, acceptance, openness, and love. I call my Character 4, The Lovers. My Tarot deck says the card VI, Lovers, is “symbolized by the conjoined male and female, is the law of union—oneness through the marriage of opposites.”

“This is the part of our consciousness, right thinking brain that we share with one another and all other life,” says Dr. Taylor. “I see the brain cells underlying our Character 4 as the portal through which the energy of the universe enters into and fuels every cell of our body. It is the all-knowing intelligence from which we came, and it is how we incarnate the consciousness of the universe.”

Dr. Taylor says some of the most important characteristics of Character 4 include:

  • Expansive.
  • Authentic.
  • Generous.  
  • Connected.

We can summarize all eight practices for developing Quiet Confidence as follows:

1. Tune Into Your Soul’s Calling.

2. Heal Your Family Father Wound.

3. Embrace Your Male Generational Lineage.

4. Accept Your Animal Maleness.

5. Be True to Yourself.

6. Follow the Golden Thread of Your True Self.

7. Get to Know Your Right Brain.

8. Understand the Four Brain Characters That Drive Your Life.

I am considering offering an on-line workshop for those who would like to learn more about “The Hidden Secret of Becoming a Sexually Successful Man.” If you are interested, please drop me an email to Jed@MenAlive.com and put “Sexual Success” in the subject line and I will send you more details (It will be open to both men and women).



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Health

Nursing Homes Are Left in the Dark as More Utilities Cut Power to Prevent Wildfires

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By Kate Ruder

When powerful wind gusts created threatening wildfire conditions one day near Boulder, Colorado, the state’s largest utility cut power to 52,000 homes and businesses — including Frasier, an assisted living and skilled nursing facility.

It was the first time Xcel Energy preemptively switched off electricity in Colorado as a wildfire prevention tool, according to a company official. The practice, also known as public safety power shut-offs, has taken root in California and is spreading elsewhere as a way to keep downed and damaged power lines from sparking blazes and fueling the West’s more frequent and intense wildfires.

In Boulder, Frasier staff and residents heard about the planned outage from news reports. A Frasier official called the utility to confirm and was initially told the home’s power would not be affected. The utility then called back to say the home’s power would be cut, after all, said Tomas Mendez, Frasier’s vice president of operations. The home had just 75 minutes before Xcel Energy shut off the lights on April 6.

Staff rushed to prepare the 20-acre campus home to nearly 500 residents. Generators kept running the oxygen machines, most refrigerators and freezers, hallway lights, and Wi-Fi for phones and computers. But the heating system and some lights stayed off as the overnight temperature dipped into the 30s.

Power was restored to Frasier after 28 hours. During the shut-off, staff tended to nursing home and assisted living residents, many with dementia, Mendez said.

“These are the folks that depend on us for everything: meals, care, and medications,” he said.

Not knowing when power would be restored, even 24 hours into the crisis, was stressful and expensive, including the next-day cost of refilling fuel for two generators, Mendez said.

“We’re lucky we didn’t have any injuries or anything major, but it is likely these could happen when there are power outages — expected or unexpected. And that puts everyone at risk,” Mendez said.

As preemptive power cuts become more widespread, nursing homes are being forced to evaluate their preparedness. But it shouldn’t be up to the facilities alone, according to industry officials and academics: Better communication between utilities and nursing homes, and including the facilities in regional disaster preparedness plans, is critical to keep residents safe.

“We need to prioritize these folks so that when the power does go out, they get to the front of the line to restore their power accordingly,” said David Dosa, chief of geriatrics and professor of medicine at UMass Chan Medical School in Worcester, Massachusetts, of nursing home residents.

Restoring power to hospitals and nursing homes was a priority throughout the windstorm, wrote Xcel Energy spokesperson Tyler Bryant in an email. But, he acknowledged, public safety power shut-offs can improve, and the utility will work with community partners and the Colorado Public Utilities Commission to help health facilities prepare for extended power outages in the future.

When the forecast called for wind gusts of up to 100 mph on April 6, Xcel Energy implemented a public safety power shut-off. Nearly 275,000 customers were without power from the windstorm.

Officials had adapted after the Marshall Fire killed two people and destroyed or damaged more than 1,000 homes in Boulder and the neighboring communities of Louisville and Superior two and a half years ago. Two fires converged to form that blaze, and electricity from an Xcel Energy power line that detached from its pole in hurricane-force winds “was the most probable cause” of one of them.

“A preemptive shutdown is scary because you don’t really have an end in mind. They don’t tell you the duration,” said Jenny Albertson, director of quality and regulatory affairs for the Colorado Health Care Association and Center for Assisted Living.

More than half of nursing homes in the West are within 3.1 miles of an area with elevated wildfire risk, according to a study published last year. Yet, nursing homes with the greatest risk of fire danger in the Mountain West and Pacific Northwest had poorer compliance with federal emergency preparedness standards than their lower-risk counterparts.

Under federal guidelines, nursing homes must have disaster response plans that include emergency power or building evacuation. Those plans don’t necessarily include contingencies for public safety power shut-offs, which have increased in the past five years but are still relatively new. And nursing homes in the West are rushing to catch up.

In California, a more stringent law to bring emergency power in nursing homes up to code is expected by the California Association of Health Facilities to cost over $1 billion. But the state has not allocated any funding for these facilities to comply, said Corey Egel, the association’s director of public affairs. The association is asking state officials to delay implementation of the law for five years, to Jan. 1, 2029.

Most nursing homes operate on a razor’s edge in terms of federal reimbursement, Dosa said, and it’s incredibly expensive to retrofit an old building to keep up with new regulations.

Frasier’s three buildings for its 300 residents in independent living apartments each have their own generators, in addition to two generators for assisted living and skilled nursing, but none is hooked up to emergency air conditioning or heat because those systems require too much energy.

Keeping residents warm during a minus-10-degree night or cool during two 90-degree days in Boulder “are the kinds of things we need to think about as we consider a future with preemptive power outages,” Mendez said.

Federal audits of emergency preparedness at nursing homes in California and Colorado found facilities lacking. In Colorado, eight of 20 nursing homes had deficiencies related to emergency supplies and power, according to the report. These included three nursing homes without plans for alternate energy sources like generators and four nursing homes without documentation showing generators had been properly tested, maintained, and inspected.

For Debra Saliba, director of UCLA’s Anna and Harry Borun Center for Gerontological Research, making sure nursing homes are part of emergency response plans could help them respond effectively to any kind of power outage. Her study of nursing homes after a magnitude 6.7 earthquake that shook the Los Angeles area in 1994 motivated LA County to integrate nursing homes into community disaster plans and drills.

Too often, nursing homes are forgotten during emergencies because they are not seen by government agencies or utilities as health care facilities, like hospitals or dialysis centers, Saliba added.

Albertson said she is working with hospitals and community emergency response coalitions in Colorado on disaster preparedness plans that include nursing homes. But understanding Xcel Energy’s prioritization plan for power restoration would also help her prepare, she said.

Bryant said Xcel Energy’s prioritization plan for health facilities specifies not whether their electricity will be turned off during a public safety power shut-off — but how quickly it will be restored.

Julie Soltis, Frasier’s director of communications, said the home had plenty of blankets, flashlights, and batteries during the outage. But Frasier plans to invest in headlamps for caregivers, and during a town hall meeting, independent living residents were encouraged to purchase their own backup power for mobile phones and other electronics, she said.

Soltis hopes her facility is spared during the next public safety power shut-off or at least given more time to respond.

“With weather and climate change, this is definitely not the last time this will happen,” she said.

This article was produced by KFF Health News, a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues and is one of the core operating programs at KFF — the independent source for health policy research, polling, and journalism.

KFF Health News is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues and is one of the core operating programs at KFF—an independent source of health policy research, polling, and journalism. Learn more about KFF.

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This story can be republished for free (details).

KFF Health News is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues and is one of the core operating programs at KFF—an independent source of health policy research, polling, and journalism. Learn more about KFF.

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Previously Published on kffhealthnews.org

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Back to School Solutions for the Principal

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As the head administrator in the school building, the principal is responsible for the learning and wellness of all teachers, staff, and students. And like the people they oversee, back to school season for the school principal is exciting, full of potential, and deeply stressful.

Our experts at School Specialty constantly review our products to ensure they help your staff and students meet their goals. How do we know they’re experts? Because they were teachers!

We know we can’t solve every obstacle principals face, but that will never stop us from trying! Here are five areas where we want to help, and some curated items to supplement your efforts to provide a safe and successful learning environment.

Academic Achievement

It’s no surprise that the top of every educator’s wish for their students is academic achievement. Successful student outcomes require forward-thinking educators and principals who support them.

This often requires understanding that achievement may look different for each student. While some products may have a specific focus, the reality is that the most efficient tools will be just as useful for both the margins and the masses. Here are a few expert favorites to aid that effort.

Staff and Student Wellness

The physical and emotional wellness of educators and students is consistently shown to support student connectedness and success. For this reason, it’s often an area of emphasis for administrators.

From ensuring proper nutrition to promoting active learning to helping students manage stress and anxiety, we’re dedicated to providing the tools your schools need to support the wellness of all students and staff.

Maximize Budgets

School budgets are always a hot topic, and anyone involved in education likely has a strong opinion. But we consider it our responsibility to offer solutions that allow your school to achieve more with less. That’s why we rigorously test the durability of our brand products. We’re dedicated to ensuring you get name-brand quality supplies at affordable prices.

We’ve offered tips in the past on how to work within a budget to grow a classroom library, upgrade and update classroom storage, and take advantage of savings with classroom packs. Here are some more product ideas to help teachers get the most out of every dollar.

School Culture

Setting the tone of your school’s culture starts at the top. The principal can profoundly affect the confidence of students and staff and the prevention of bullying behavior.

These products are designed to encourage students to make positive decisions in how they treat themselves and each other. Build a culture that makes your school a welcoming place where kids want to come and learn.

Bullying prevention will help provide a safer school environment, but just as important as teaching students what not to do is encouraging them to lift each other up. Show all students they’re part of a school culture that values them with tools and manipulatives for a welcoming and inclusive classroom.

Student Engagement

Creating engaging learning environments can be done in several ways, depending on the needs of your students. Once you’ve identified what will best engage students and stimulate interest in their own learning, you then need to provide teachers with the tools they need to bring that vision to life.

The key is to provide students with choices so that they can find ways to make their education more meaningful. Perhaps they want to start a robotics program or strengthen a music program. It could even be as simple as providing sensory spaces that allow students to self-manage or taking a class outdoors to engage in active science learning.

If you’re looking for a more significant update for an engaging classroom experience, an interactive sensory corner would be a hit with students of all ages. These multisensory environments give students a calming experience, allowing them to relax and regain a sense of control.

The many ways schools evolve in teaching create a constant need for new tools to support new objectives. We may not have all the answers, but we hear your questions and won’t stop until we find solutions for every school and classroom.

Visit the School Specialty website for more information and ideas to reduce back to school stress so you can enjoy the unlimited potential of a new school year.





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How to Encourage Cultural Inclusion in Your Classroom

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With classrooms across the country becoming more diverse, it’s critical for educators to ensure students of all races and cultures feel seen, heard, and empowered to succeed. Promoting cultural inclusion in your classroom may take some work, but we’ll help you out with five ways to make it fun, meaningful, and lasting.

Know Your Students

This may sound simple, but in some classrooms, truly getting to know and understand your students as individuals can feel like it’s testing your comfort zone.

Start simple by learning their names and ensuring you pronounce them correctly. For a name that feels especially difficult, write it out phonetically for yourself until you’re sure you remember it.

If you’re unfamiliar with a student’s culture, take some time to learn about it. They may not choose to talk about it, but you’ll have a foundation to build on if the subject comes up.

Celebrate Cultural Differences

Getting to know your students is important to ensure they feel included as part of a greater community while embracing their differences. From there, you can find ways to celebrate their cultural differences as a class.

This can take many forms. Work with the students to determine their comfort level and an appropriate way to share their unique heritage.

It could be as simple as celebrating a holiday with traditional foods or making Inspiration Flags to represent their ancestry. Find activities that are designed to honor that holiday or time of year. This can range from sugar skull crafts to celebrate Dias de los Muertos in November to making stained glass clover crafts for St. Patrick’s Day in March. Take some time during Black History Month to introduce students to the contributions of black artists. The most important thing is to keep the celebrations positive, culturally inclusive, and culturally appropriate.

Directly Address Stereotypes

Unfortunately, the process of learning about different cultures may expose some stereotypes. These should be addressed immediately and thoroughly to ensure students understand how hurtful some stereotypes can be.

Most children likely don’t even realize where or when they developed stereotypical perceptions of other races or cultures. Use this as an opportunity to guide students and promote cultural inclusion. Let them ask you and each other questions as they learn to participate in respectful communication.

Community Through Collaboration

Setting students up in diverse pairs and small groups is a powerful way to encourage a multicultural sense of community. This may not work for every project, but when possible, give students the flexibility to learn from each other directly.

This doesn’t even necessarily need to include a cultural component. Simply letting students work together and earn each other’s respect can significantly impact their overall cultural outlook.

Diverse Curriculum and Supplies

Some areas of the curriculum have natural ways to incorporate cultural inclusion in education.

  • If a history lesson talks about a culture represented in your classroom, dig a little deeper and find ways to provide more meaningful context
  • Introduce multicultural arts and crafts projects and include a lesson that ties the craft and its history to part of your curriculum
  • Assign a creative writing project or essay where students imagine themselves as one of their ancestors from another country

Your use of classroom tools and supplies can also subtly impact how your students embrace cultural inclusion. For example, incorporate skin-tone paints, markers, crayons, and colored pencils into a self-portrait project to allow students to express themselves more artistically. For storytime, lay out a rug that celebrates love and cultural diversity. When building your classroom library, take advantage of bilingual book sets and read-alouds that promote cultural inclusion and diversity.

We love hearing from other teachers and educators around the country and the world. How do you create a culturally inclusive classroom? Let us know in the comments!





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