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The 6 Relationship Successes Great Men Achieve: Which Ones Are You Missing?

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The 6 Relationship Successes Great Men Achieve: Which Ones Are You Missing?


            My long-time friend and colleague, Steve Horsmon, founder of Good Guys 2 Great Men, invited me to speak to a group of guys who have been involved with their program for some time. He said in an email,

“Our topic is about the importance of CONNECTION. The men would love to hear what you think, feel, and advise around this topic specifically for men who are looking to improve their experience of life and to be more conscious in how they are living. I know you could talk for hours, but a 20-30 minute conversation with all of us would be fantastic.”

            As Steve knows I have been helping men and their families for more than fifty years. Trying to share something helpful in 20-30 minutes was a challenge. I began by sharing these thoughts. It has been said that the two most important days of our lives are the day we were born and the day we found out why.

            I was born on December 21, 1943 (for those who don’t want to do math that makes me 80+ years old). The day I found out why occurred November 21, 1969, the day I held our first son, Jemal, in my arms shortly after he was born. I made a vow to him that I would be a different kind of father than my father was able to be for me and to do everything I could to create a world where fathers were fully healed and involved with their families throughout their lives.

            I started working in what has become the field of gender-specific healing and men’s health shortly after I graduated with a master’s degree in social work from U.C. Berkeley in 1968 (I later went back to school and earned a PhD in International Health and did my dissertation research on men and depression, which was published as a book, Male vs Female Depression: Why Men Act Out and Women Act In.

            I write regular articles for those who subscribe to MenAlive.com and have written seventeen books including international best-sellers Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places, Male Menopause, and The Irritable Male Syndrome. I offer private counseling for a few clients who need, and can benefit, from my unique skills and experiences. I also have created a number of self-guided courses including “Navigating the 5 Stages of Love,”  “Heal The Irritable Male Syndrome,” and “Healing the Family Father Wound.”

            I have found that there are six relationship successes that all men hope to achieve during their lifetimes. I said they all require a great deal of learning and support, which is why the first rule in my book, 12 Rules for Good Men, is “Join a Men’s Group.” Men don’t necessarily address these six issues in the same order I did and we often address each one multiple times in our lives before we achieve ultimate success:

            Whether we have biological children of our own, acquire them when we marry someone who already has children, or we mentor children in other ways, we must learn to be great fathers. For me it began immediately after Jemal was born. Up until then, my main focus was on work and my vision of being a great father began and ended with being a good provider and role model.

            But with Jemal’s birth, I took two weeks off from work and stayed home to connect with our son. I helped with diapers, feeding, and late-night rocking to help him to sleep. But I learned a life-lesson about being a dad when my wife decided she needed a break from mothering after Jemal was a year old and went on a week-long “vacation” with a girlfriend.

            Although I had practiced the basics, I always knew my wife was there and I believed that women had some special mothering gene built in to tell them what to do in every situation. I knew that men didn’t have that build-in wisdom. So when my wife left, I felt terrified. But when you are alone with a one-year-old, even for a week, you figure things out and I learned that neither females nor males have any genetic wisdom, but we can all learn to be great parents. I learned I didn’t have to parent like my wife. I just had to learn to do it my way.

            My wife and I now have six grown children (including an African-American daughter my first wife and I adopted when Angela was 2 ½ months old), seventeen grandchildren, and three great grandchildren. Our daughter has gifted us with a great deal of wisdom, including the challenging and beautiful realities of life and what it means to be a father, grandfather, and great grandfather to African American progeny.

  • Finding Your Calling and Taking It to the Limit.

            I’ve learned that the old idea of “do what you love and follow your bliss” has serious limitations. My career and later my calling evolved over time and began with a promise I made to my children and had little to do with finding a job I loved. My first job was working with drug addicts. I created a residential treatment program called “Our Family.”  It is not too far fetched to recognize that my developing commitment and skill to be a great father translated to my work in the world.

            After five years founding and directing what became a successful residential treatment program for men and women with addiction problems, I applied for and was hired as one of first County Drug Abuse Program Directors, where I worked with local government and private sector community members to develop a whole range of programs in San Joaquin County.

            As my two children got older, I eventually joined a men’s group to get support for the stresses and strains of trying to balance being a great dad with doing work that was meaningful. My work has continued to evolve just as my children have grown and changed and both have been enriched by my men’s group.

  • Connecting With Your Tribal Brothers.

            In Indigenous communities throughout human history when young boys reach a certain age, traditionally between age 10 and 12, they are taken from their mothers and are initiated into the world of men. Once they complete their initiation into manhood they go on to take their place in the tribe having been tested and successfully passed a test that allows them to feel confident in who they are.

            This group of boys and later men are forever bonded. They will eventually find a mate and have children of their own, but the bond they make as boys continues on throughout their lives. One of the great tragedies of modern life is that most of us have never been initiated into manhood. The result, as Robert Bly, describes in his book, The Sibling Society.

“This is not about siblings in a family,”

says Bly.

“We’ll use the word sibling as a metaphor, a lens, bringing into focus certain tendencies, habits, and griefs we have all noticed.”

            Bly goes on to address a problem of males who have never grown up and are perpetual children, though they appear to be adults.

“Adults regress toward adolescence and adolescents—seeing that—have no desire to become adults…Perhaps one-third of our society has developed these new sibling qualities. The rest of us are walking in that direction.”

            I found a different direction when I joined a group of guys following a one-day workshop led by the psychologist Herb Goldberg, author of the book, The Hazards of Being Male. Our group has been meeting now for many years and we’ve learned to become a band of tribal brothers. My wife, Carlin, says that the main reason she feels we have  had a successful 44-year marriage, is because I’ve been in a men’s group for 45 years. I wrote about our journey in my book, 12 Rules for Good Men.

  • Finding and Keeping Your Soul Mate From Here to Eternity.

            The idea of finding our soulmate has become somewhat of a cliché, but it is very real in my life. If you visit my website, MenAlive.com, you will see my welcome video, “Confessions of a Twice-Divorced Marriage Counselor.” Carlin and I had both been married twice before and had children from our previous marriages when we met, fell in love, and eventually got married.

            Like all couples, we’ve had our challenges, not the least of which has been to learn to blend two families together and deal with our ex-spouses. She has been in women’s groups and my men’s group has been a great gift in helping me grow up and how to be a true partner in life.

            Last year, Carlin slipped on a wet sidewalk and broke her hip. The repair surgery was successful, but she suffered a stroke when her blood pressure dropped too low during the surgery. She is doing well, but we are both getting older. She is 86 and I will be 81 in December. The great gift of our long and beautiful relationship is learned to be caregivers as well as caretakers for each other as we face the challenges and lessons that are with us every day as we face the realities of disability and death as well as the joy of living every moment to the fullest while we are here.

  • Standing Up To the Destructive Dominators When Your Time is Called To Act.

            My friend and colleague Riane Eisler wrote a powerful book some years ago called The Chalice & the Blade: Our History, Our Future, in which she describes two systems that have been part of human existence for the last ten thousand years:

            “The first, which I call the dominator model, is what is popularly termed either patriarchy or matriarchy—the ranking of one half of humanity over the other. The second, in which social relations are primarily based on the principle of linking, rather than ranking, may best be described as the partnership model. In this model—beginning with the most fundamental difference in our species, between male and female—diversity is not equated with either inferiority or superiority.”

            Depending on what period of human history we are born into, we all must make decisions about whether we will go along with the crowd or stand up those in the world who would dominate and destroy.

            Being born in 1943 during World War II, I experienced the battle between freedom and partnership and a totalitarian model of domination that had occurred with the rise of Mussolini and Hitler. I came of age when my own country got embroiled in Viet Nam and I became a war protestor. Most recently I recognized the dangers of a man who was voted out of office, but refused accept the election results, and now wants to be the next dominator-strongman.

            I first warned about the danger in an article published on May 7, 2016 titled “Why Donald Trump Will Be Our Next President.” Historian Ruth Ben-Ghiat warned about the danger in her book, Strongmen: Mussolini to the Present, published in 2020. She said, “For ours is the age of authoritarian rulers: self-proclaimed saviors of the nation who evade accountability while robbing their people of truth, treasure, and the protections of democracy. They use masculinity as a symbol of strength and a political weapon. They promise law and order, then legitimize law-breaking by financial, sexual, and other predators.”

  • Becoming the Man You Were Meant to Be.

            Throughout our lives, each of the first five relationships help hone who we are as men. They help us become our true selves. From the moment of conception we have within us ancestral elements from a line of women and men (biologically, in the form of an X chromosome which we receive from our mothers and a Y chromosome we receive for our fathers). There are ten trillion cells in the human body and everyone is sex-specific, with either an XY set of chromosomes if we are male and an XX pair if we are female.

            Together, all six of these challenges determine whether we will be good enough men or great men. Most of us aspire to greatness but have struggled with one or more of these six challenges. We often seek “work-life balance,” but really tend to separate these six and try and attend to one while neglecting another.  

            But all are non-negotiable and we must find ways to attend to all six. I received guidance on how to do this from an unlikely teacher—an old Native American woman who was a master basket weaver. Here’s what she taught me. She described weaving a beautiful basket as being a metaphor for a full and successful life.

            Think of each of these six life challenges as one strand in the basket. It’s impossible to weave multiple strands at the same time; we need to attend to the strand that requires our attention without losing awareness of the others. Every strand will get our attention—just not all at the same time. I know I give attention to where I am most needed, knowing that I will then move on to the next strand when it attracts my attention. The basket holds my life as I strengthen individual strands. I’m no longer on a teeter-totter—I am weaving my life into something whole and lovely, powerful and meaningful.

            I hope you have found these ideas helpful. You can send your feedback to me at Jed@MenAlive.com. Come visit my websites, www.MenAlive.com and www.MoonshotforMankind.org



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Mpox Vaccine Rollout to Begin in Nigeria, DRC

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Mpox Vaccine Rollout to Begin in Nigeria, DRC


[YAOUNDE] Nigeria is to begin the immediate rollout of 5,000 doses of mpox vaccines while the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) eyes its first shipment of 65,000 doses, as Africa steps up measures to control the multi-country outbreak.

The vaccine, administered in two doses, will go first to people at high-risk, including health workers and those living in areas with high infection rates, according to Nigeria’s National Primary Healthcare Development Agency.

Matshidiso Moeti, WHO regional director for Africa, said the delivery of 10,000 doses to Nigeria by USAID this week signified “a clear demonstration of international solidarity in the face of global public health emergencies”.

“The emergence of the new, more virulent variant (Clade Ib) and the increase in human-to-human transmission, with new routes such as sexual transmission, remains a cause for concern.”

Flaubert Mba, Centre for Research on Emerging and Re-Emerging Diseases

Nigeria became the first African country to receive the vaccine after confirming 40 cases of the disease, whose symptoms include fever, swollen lymph nodes and a rash leading to blisters.

The DRC, the country worst affected, is expecting to receive 65,000 doses of the vaccine on 1 September, announced Jean Kaseya, director-general of the African Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (Africa CDC), during an online press conference on Wednesday (28 August).

A health worker examines skin lesions that are characteristic of mpox on the back of a young child at the mpox treatment centre at the Nyiragongo General Referral Hospital, north of Goma in the DRC on 14 August 2024. Credit: Guerchom Ndebo / WHO

He said 50,000 doses would be sent by the US while 15,000 will be provided by Gavi, the Vaccine Alliance.

Kaseya said the JYNNEOS vaccine, made by Danish pharmaceutical company Bavarian Nordic, was one of the surest ways of stopping the mpox epidemic, alongside epidemiological surveillance and screening.

He stressed the vaccine was the same one used in the US and Europe to stem an outbreak of mpox – formerly known as monkeypox – in 2022.

“It has been given to millions of Americans and Europeans, which has made it possible to stop [that] epidemic,” he told the press conference.

Residents of Weta village in Maniema province, eastern DRC read information about how to avoid mpox, provided by health officials. Credit: Eugene Kabambi / WHO

In July, the emerging infectious diseases foundation CEPI announced trials in the DRC to see if vaccinating people already exposed to mpox stops them getting sick and spreading it.

Kaseya said Africa CDC would be sending 72 epidemiologists to affected areas in September to collect more data on case numbers, citing problems with the reliability of current data.

“These epidemiologists, in addition to the support they will be giving to the teams in the field, will also be focusing on the quality of the data, so that we can have data that will enable us to make good decisions,” he said.

“In the coming weeks, we will begin to provide what we believe to be quality data thanks to this support.”

Bushagara camp for displaced people in North Kivu, DRC. Identification of mpox cases in camps around Goma is concerning because the high population density can result in further spread. Credit: Guerchom Ndebo / WHO

Response plans

For the first time since its creation, Africa CDC declared on 13 August that the new mpox epidemic constituted a public health emergency of continental security (PHECS) in Africa. The next day, the WHO declared it a public health emergency of international concern (PHEIC).

Nicaise Ndembi, Kaseya’s scientific advisor and mpox response coordinator for the African Union and Africa CDC, told SciDev.Net: “This declaration marks an important moment in the history of public health in Africa and demonstrates the seriousness of the situation and the need for a unified, continent-wide response to this rapidly spreading disease.”

He stressed that it is now “urgent to take coordinated action at national, regional and international levels to stop the spread of mpox”.

Africa CDC is working to develop a “continental response plan”, which, according to Kaseya, should take into account the individual needs of each country. He said the plan will be presented to African heads of state for endorsement in the coming weeks.

The WHO has already launched a global strategic plan for mpox preparedness and response, which it says requires US$ 87.4 million over the next six months (September 2024-February 2025).

WHO director-general, Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, speaking at the WHO Regional Committee for Africa in Brazzaville this week (26 August), stressed the need for more research and surveillance of the disease, as well as equitable access to vaccines.

WHO director-general Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus (centre) convenes the first meeting of the Emergency Committee to discuss the upsurge of mpox, on 14 August 2024. Credit: Lindsay Mackenzie / WHO

“I am certain that with the leadership of the affected countries and the support of the WHO, partners such as CDC Africa and others, we will be able to bring this epidemic under control quickly, as we have been able to do with other epidemics in recent years,” he said.

New variants

According to the latest WHO epidemiological data, 14 African countries have reported cases of mpox so far, with Gabon confirming its first case of the virus on 22 August.

The DRC remains the country hardest hit by the epidemic, with a total of 3,244 cases and 25 deaths recorded to date this year.

Burundi has recorded 231 cases, while a number of cases have also been confirmed in Central African Republic (45); Côte d’Ivoire (28); South Africa (24), and Congo (23).

There are two main types of the virus, Clade I and Clade II. Clade I, endemic to Central Africa, causes more severe illness and disease. The less severe Clade II strain caused the global outbreak in 2022 and is the type being seen in Nigeria.

People with #mpox may experience all or only a few symptoms. Mpox illness typically lasts 2-4 weeks. Source: CDC

However, a novel, sexually transmitted strain of the virus, identified as Clade Ib, has started spreading across the DRC and neighbouring countries, causing alarm.

Flaubert Mba, wildlife specialist and One Heath focal point at the Centre for Research on Emerging and Re-emerging Diseases, told SciDev.Net: “The emergence of the new, more virulent variant (Clade Ib) and the increase in human-to-human transmission, with new routes such as sexual transmission, remains a cause for concern.”

In addition to vaccination and the recommended hygiene measures, he believes that African countries need to focus on epidemiological surveillance, particularly in areas where wildlife and people interact.

“Mpox is a re-emergent zoonosis, meaning that it is transmitted from animals to humans and vice versa,” he explained.

“Particular emphasis needs to be placed on at-risk areas associated with risk mapping and areas where there have been outbreaks in the past.”

This piece was produced by SciDev.Net’s Sub-Saharan Africa French desk and edited for brevity and clarity.





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World Suicide Prevention Day 2024: Changing the Narrative For Men and Their Families

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World Suicide Prevention Day 2024: Changing the Narrative For Men and Their Families


September 10, 2024 was World Suicide Prevention Day. According to the World Health Organization,

“Every year 726,000 people take their own life and there are many more people who make suicide attempts.”

When I was five years old my mid-life father took an overdose of sleeping pills after he had become increasingly depressed because he couldn’t support his family doing the work he loved. Fortunately, he survived, but our lives were never the same. I grew up wondering what happened to my father, when it would happen to me, and what I could do to prevent it happening to other families.

Although females, as well as males, can die by suicide, males at every age are at higher risk than are females. Yet rarely is suicide discussed as a health issue for boys and men.

World Suicide Prevention Day (WSPD) was established in 2003 by the International Association for Suicide Prevention in conjunction with the World Health Organization (WHO). On September 10th each year they focus attention on the issues, reduce stigma and raise awareness among organizations, governments, and the public, giving a singular message that suicides are preventable.

The triennial theme for World Suicide Prevention Day for 2024-2026 is “Changing the Narrative on Suicide” with the call to action “Start the Conversation”. This theme aims to raise awareness about the importance of reducing stigma and encouraging open conversations to prevent suicides. Changing the narrative on suicide is about transforming how we perceive this complex issue and shifting from a culture of silence and stigma to one of openness, understanding, and support.

The call to action encourages everyone to start the conversation on suicide and suicide prevention. Every conversation, no matter how small, contributes to a supportive and understanding society. By initiating these vital conversations, we can break down barriers, raise awareness, and create better cultures of support.

I have been writing a series of articles—”Homecoming: An Evolutionary Approach for Healing Depression and Preventing Suicide.” In Part 1, I shared statistics from the National Institute of Mental Health, comparing the suicide rates for males and females at various ages:

Even during our youth where suicide rates are relatively low, males are still more likely to die by suicide than are females. It is also clear to me as my wife and I move into our 80s, that males and females face many challenges as we age, but it is older males who more often end their lives by suicide with rates 8 to 17 times higher rates than for females.   

In Part 2, I discussed the evolutionary roots of male/female differences and quoted Dr. Roy Baumeister,  one of the world’s leading social scientists. Understanding his work can better help us understand a lot about why men are the way they are and specifically why men are the risk-taking gender.

In his groundbreaking book, Is There Anything Good About Men? How Cultures Flourish By Exploiting Men, he says,

“If evolutionary theory is right about anything, it’s right about reproduction. Nature will most favor traits that lead to success at reproducing. But for thousands of years, men and women have faced vastly different odds and problems in reproducing. On this basic task, women faced good odds of success, whereas men were born to face looming failure.”

Men not only take greater risks than women, but also are less resilient and more prone to feelings of failure when they don’t feel they can offer something of value to those they love.

In Part 3, I show that suicide is the most prevalent form of violence and is the cause of more death than either war or homicide. We don’t often think of suicide as a form of violence or depression as an underlying cause of violence, but they are intimately related. The World Health Organization (WHO) produced an in-depth analysis of violence and published the information under the title, “The World Report on Violence and Health.” The report is the result of 3 years of work, during which WHO drew on the knowledge of more than 160 experts from more than 70 countries.

            The report detailed estimated global-related deaths as follows:

These numbers vary in different years and rates of violent deaths also vary according by country and within each country with different groups. But clearly violence from suicide accounts for nearly as many deaths as war-related violence and homicides combined. All forms of violence are tragic and many have come to believe that violence is simply a part of human nature. But this is not true.

Violence of all kinds can be understood and prevented.

“Violence thrives in the absence of democracy, respect for human rights and good governance,”

said Nelson Mandela. We often talk about how a ‘culture of violence’ can take root. This is indeed true—as a South African who has lived through apartheid and is living through its aftermath, I have seen and experience it. No country, no city, no community is immune. But neither are we powerless against it.”

As we approach another presidential election in the United States, most everyone is aware of the threat to democracy we are facing and the conflicts that divide our country.

In Part 4, I offered guidance for all those who are ready to see the truth about the times in which we live and how we can live, love, and work, for good in the world.

For most of my professional life I believed that treating depression and preventing suicide involved helping individuals, couples, and families. A new perspective opened for me in 1993 at a men’s leadership conference in Indianapolis, Indiana. I’ve written a number of articles about my experience over the years, including my most recent, “Transformations: The End of the U.S. and the World as We Know It and The Truth About Our Collective Future.”

I said that an old kind of masculinity was on the way out. My colleague Riane Eisler describes two competing systems that humans have been engaging with that she calls the dominator system and the partnership system. Throughout the world emotionally wounded men who ascend to power have chosen a dominator approach to asserting power.

            The old dominator systems were ruled by frightened men who came to believe that the only way to survive was to rule by force. Historian Ruth Ben-Ghiat describes these men in her book, Strongmen: Mussolini to the Present. She says,

“For ours is the age of authoritarian rulers: self-proclaimed saviors of the nation who evade accountability while robbing their people of truth, treasure, and the protections of democracy.”

            Among the seventeen protagonists in her book she includes: Adolph Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Benito Mussolini, Vladamir Putin, and Donald J. Trump. Pulitzer-Prize winning journalist Anne Applebaum describes the way modern-day autocrats support each other in her book, Autocracy Inc.: The Dictators Who Want to Run the World.

“Nowadays, autocracies are underpinned by sophisticated networks composed across multiple regimes…The autocrats are rewriting the rules of world trade and governance as their propagandists pound home the same messages about the weakness of democracy and the evil of America.”

            At MenAlive I have been supporting men and their families to embrace the partnership system and have recently created a way for organizations and individuals to belief in these ideas and practices to stay connected. You can learn more at our website, MoonshotforMankind.org and get news you can use on our substack, substack.com/@moonshotformankind.

            If you’d like to read more articles on men’s mental, emotional, and relational health, you can subscribe for free at https://menalive.com/email-newsletter/.

Every suicide is a tragedy that affects families, communities and entire countries and has long-lasting effects on the people left behind.

Suicide does not just occur in high-income countries but is a global phenomenon in all regions of the world. In fact, close to three quarters (73%) of global suicides occurred in low- and middle-income countries in 2021.



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Considering the 75 Hard Challenge? Read This First

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Considering the 75 Hard Challenge? Read This First


Sticking to new habits isn’t easy, especially when they mean giving up old ones that make you feel good—at least temporarily—like binging talking dog videos or inhaling a burger on the way home from work. But there comes a time when making a change in the name of your health and happiness is more attractive than another night spent plastered to your couch. That’s where a program like the 75 Hard Challenge comes in. It’s not a weight-loss app, although followers do tend to shed some pounds. Instead, it’s a “mental toughness” protocol that helps instill new habits in fewer than three months. That’s not to say it’s without flaws.

This challenge is not easy to stick to. People often believe the more intense something is, the better the results. But this is a mistake if you aren’t careful. It’s important to learn about any new routine that overhauls your diet, exercise, and entire life and really evaluate if the pros and cons make it worthwhile. Learn all about 75 Hard, including 75 Hard Challenge rules and what you might stand to gain—or lose—if you try it.

What Is the 75 Hard Challenge?

The 75 Hard Challenge is primarily a mental toughness program with physical and behavioral habits created by entrepreneur and author Andy Frisella in 2019. In short, the challenge aims to build discipline and resilience—physically and mentally—by adopting a set of daily rules that you complete without fail for 75 days straight. Frisella sells a book about the challenge, but you can also learn about it from his podcast and all over the internet.

Considering the 75 Hard Challenge? Read This First

75 Hard rules dictate you drink one gallon of water daily and cut out alcohol and cheat meals including soda. 

Jarren Vink

75 Hard Challenge Rules

There are five 75 Hard rules to follow during the 75 Hard Challenge. Here’s where it gets particularly tough: If you skip any of the items on the 75 Hard checklist on any given day, you need to start over from day one as a practice in forging mental toughness and self-control.

1. Follow a Diet

During the entire challenge, you should stick to a specific meal plan without cheat meals or alcohol. There’s no 75 Hard diet, per se. You get to choose. If you’re hoping to drop body fat, we recommend the best diets for weight loss. But if you’re just trying to adhere to a lifelong habit of healthy eating, stick to the best diets recommended by experts. Something like the Mediterranean Diet is more sustainable for life than, say, the keto or Paleo diet. Get more tips below.

2. Two Daily Workouts

Every day, you have to complete two 45-minute workouts with one being outdoors. Unfortunately, you can’t count activities like mowing the lawn, yard work, or leisure sports into the 75 Hard workout plan like golf, because they’re considered “daily chores” or “routines.” Typically, we don’t recommend two-a-days, especially if you’re not a professional athlete. To ensure you don’t overtrain, keep one akin to an active recovery, like steady-state cycling or yoga. If it starts to diminish your physical and mental well-being, stop.

3. Drink a Gallon of Water

Drink one gallon of water every day. This doesn’t include any other fluid intake, just clear H2O. Hydrating is obviously important. Drinking a gallon is likely unnecessary, but it won’t necessarily hurt you. If it helps up your intake, great. 

4. Read Nonfiction

Part of the mental fortitude aspect of the challenge is reading 10 pages of a nonfiction book each day. Unfortunately, audiobooks don’t count, nor do magazines or sports pages. Sorry—there’s a reason this is called the hard 75 challenge.

5. Take a Daily Progress Picture

Take a photo of your body to track your progress each day. This could be a mirror selfie or one you loop your partner or roommate into taking for you. Just be sure to keep the lighting, location, time of day, and clothing items similar for each shot. For some, this is helpful over time to see incremental progress, however a daily log can be detrimental to others’ self-esteem if their body image isn’t positive. 

Mediterranean Diet

Sam Kaplan

75 Hard Diet

Diet just might be the worst four-letter word in the English language. The good news is that you can choose your own diet structure for the 75 Hard Challenge.

Choose a Diet Plan

While you can pick your ideal diet, it has to be one that fosters positive physical change. Whether you’re losing fat, gaining muscle, building strength, boosting your intake of a specific micro or macronutrient (like protein), or improving overall diet quality for skin health, just pick something you think you can stick to for the entire 75 days without falling off the wagon.

Here are some of the best structured diets to consider:

  • Mediterranean diet
  • DASH diet
  • MIND diet
  • Mayo Clinic diet
  • Flexitarian
  • WeightWatchers diet
  • Volumetrics diet
  • Dr. Weil’s Anti-Inflammatory diet
  • TLC diet
  • Vegan diet

No Cheat Meals

Can you go 75 days without a hot slice of pizza or a burger? If you want to complete the 75 Hard Challenge, you’ll have to give up all of your normal cheat meals for the duration. That’s right—zero cheat meals (what would Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson say?). Instead, make some healthier swaps that are still tasty but easier on the waistline.

No Alcohol

There’s a strict no-booze rule for the 75 Hard Challenge, so plan accordingly. If you know you’ll be in a high-pressure social situation like a bachelor party or Super Bowl gathering, and you don’t have the willpower of steel, you might want to forego the plan until you know you can stick to it. Might we suggest nonalcoholic drinks like NA spirits, wine, and beer.

Running

Patrick Giardino/Getty Images

75 Hard Workout Plan

If you aren’t currently very physically active or have a difficult time sticking to a consistent routine, this may be a wallop: For the 75 Hard Challenge, you have to do two 45-minute workouts each day, and one of them has to be in the great outdoors. Luckily, the types of workouts you can do are pretty flexible so long as they are physically challenging and aren’t part of your regular daily routine. Here are some examples:

Cardio Workouts

Cardio should be part of your workout routine during 75 Hard, but you don’t have to go hell-for-leather every day. Many of the best cardio workouts can double up as your outdoor workout session.

  • Running or jogging
  • Cycling
  • Swimming
  • Power walking
  • Rowing
  • Hiking
  • Jump rope
  • Martial arts

Related: The Best Workout Apps for Beginners

Resistance Training

Resistance training is a must for any serious training plan, so pick a style you enjoy or one you’re excited to try and stick to it for 75 days. Be sure to plan out your sessions in advance, increase the challenge as you go, and track your progress.

  • Strength training
  • Hypertrophy training
  • Bodyweight exercises (like pushups, pullups, and squats)
  • Powerlifting

Recovery and Flexibility Training

Including some low-key workouts into your routine is the ultimate overtraining prevention strategy. The less fit you are, the more of these sessions you should include—maybe four to five per week counting toward the 45-minute sessions. Scale down from there if you are more fit or as you progress throughout the challenge.

  • Yoga
  • Pilates
  • Mobility work
  • Walking
  • Stretching

High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT)

If you plan to include HIIT training, do it sparingly. Too much high-intensity work will burn you out in no time. It’s not possible to do true HIIT training for a full 45 minutes, so if you’re going to add this modality to your routine, stick to 10 to 15 minutes at the end of a cardio session or after resistance training two to three times a week.

Pro tip: Skip high-intensity training altogether if your diet plan includes cutting calories. It’s a recipe for burnout.

  • Circuit training
  • Tabata workouts
  • Sprints

Battle Ropes

Justin Steele

75 Hard Pros

There’s a lot going for the 75 day Hard Challenge. Here are some of the main pros.

Builds Habits

We all know that consistency is king when it comes to results, and that’s the main tenant of 75 Hard: to build and maintain a consistent routine that includes five daily tasks every day without fail. Habits are automatic behaviors triggered by specific cues and learned through repetition, strengthening every time you complete the behavior—think brushing your teeth every night before bed or locking up when you leave the house, according to 2021 research published in Social Psychology.

Good habits help you keep up desirable behaviors over time since you’ll start to automatically perform them without having to rely on conscious motivation—something that’s notoriously fickle, according to the study.

Tracks Progress

Tracking your progress is the best way to see how far you’ve come and it’s also a great way to get a motivational buzz when you start seeing a difference in how you look, feel, and act. Progress tracking with a photo is one of the Hard 75 rules, so it’s built into the routine.

Gets You Active

Obviously, physical activity is a huge part of the challenge and a behavior many people struggle to maintain. If you’re doing 75 Hard, you’ll definitely get your daily movement in through the two 45-minute workouts each day.

Includes Time in Nature

While you don’t explicitly have to go on a nature walk, even cityscape fresh air and sunlight are better than nothing. Since the challenge requires you to complete one 45-minute workout outdoors each day, you’ll get benefits from sunlight exposure (which improves sleep), stress relief, and a brain boost.

Related: The Best Workout Routine Ever, According to Science

75 Hard Cons

Aside from giving up your favorite tasty snacks and foregoing a beer during the game, the 75 Hard Challenge has other practical issues.

Not for Everyone

Although 75 Hard has consistency built in, if you don’t include your own context cues for each habit you want to keep once the challenge is over, you likely won’t stick to it. In other words, if you don’t incorporate the habits into your everyday routine in a way that you’ll stick to once the challenge ends, you’ll probably revert to the same old habits—good or bad—that you were doing before. This is the exact reason why most people regain all the weight they lose during diets.

Easy to Overdo It

Without any actual professional nutritional or fitness guidance (Frisella is not a health expert), you can easily go overboard trying to meet the steep expectations of the challenge. You might not pair the ideal diet with your exercise program—such as a muscle-building calorie surplus with your hypertrophy training—unless you know what you’re doing.

You can accidentally choose habits that do more harm than good if you attempt high-intensity training alongside a low-carb diet or push past your body’s signals for rest in order to get in that second 45-minute workout.

Very Strict

Rigidity is the entire point of the 75 Hard Challenge. In fact, Frisella says in an interview with Megyn Kelly, “The whole point of the program is to put yourself in the most inconvenient, non-compromising situation that you possibly can,” with no room for substitutions.

He goes on to say that giving yourself a break or a “mental day” is a no-go because “letting yourself off the hook is the reason you are where you are in this state of unhappiness and unfulfillment.” If you get sick, sore, or have an emergency—too bad—you’ve failed.

Can Lower Confidence

Battering yourself into submission is not always the best for your mental health and certainly won’t work for everyone. Plus, not everyone who wants to improve their health is unhappy or unfulfilled.

In reality, positive thinking can boost self-confidence by helping you see challenges as temporary and conquerable. Overcoming setbacks and still working toward your health goals is a fast track to becoming more resilient and increases internal motivation and confidence. And for the record, internal motivation is stronger than the kind you’ll get from any challenge.

Related: The Best Workout Routine Ever, According to Science

Final Verdict: What Do Experts Say About the 75 Hard Challenge?

As a personal trainer and nutrition coach, I believe that most people, even those with advanced fitness levels, shouldn’t attempt two workouts every single day. Combining cardio and strength training can interfere with recovery and overall results and is a recipe for burnout. Physically, mentally, and socially, two-a-day workouts can be draining and unsustainable and put you at risk of overtraining, which requires lengthy recovery.

If you’re set on following the two-workouts rule, make sure one is recovery-based—light yoga, walking, or stretching. Organized activities like jiu-jitsu or gym classes can count as one workout, with walking or something gentle for the second. For strength training, limit it to three to five days a week and always pair with recovery exercises.

I don’t recommend avoiding rest days, as even lighter workouts can be mentally exhausting and, on a practical level, can get in the way of other areas of your life, like relationships, work, and family responsibilities. Missing a session and starting over can feel defeating, which I’d never want for my clients. If you miss a workout you had intended to complete, it’s better to reassess and adjust instead of stressing over rigid plans.

In my opinion, the idea that “mental toughness” comes from strict workout rules is absurd. True consistency comes from internal motivation, doing what you enjoy for reasons that matter to you. Building skills in activities you love—whether yoga, strength training, running, or a new sport—will make you proud and boost your confidence in the long term.

Real toughness also means listening to your body. Sometimes, backing off is harder than following a rigid plan. Focus on consistency and finding joy in what you do rather than chasing the next challenge.

Why You Should Trust Us

I’m a certified personal trainer, strength and conditioning specialist, and nutrition coach, among other fancy titles—but my passion is communicating the countless benefits of being active and striving toward a healthier mind and body through attainable action. I use a hefty dose of science to guide the advice I give, along with the real-world experience I’ve gained over the last 15 years. 



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