Health
Before Michigan Legalized Surrogacy, Families Found Ways Around the Ban
By Kate Wells, Michigan Public
The first time Tammy and Jordan Myers held their twins, the premature babies were so fragile that their tiny faces were mostly covered by oxygen masks and tubing. Their little hands rested gently on Tammy’s chest as the machines keeping them alive in a neonatal intensive care unit in Grand Rapids, Michigan, beeped and hummed around them.
It was an incredible moment, but also a terrifying one. A court had just denied the Myers’ parental rights to the twins, who were born via surrogate using embryos made from Jordan’s sperm and Tammy’s eggs. (Tammy’s eggs had been frozen before she underwent treatment for breast cancer.)
“In the early hours of their lives, we had no lifesaving medical decision-making power for their care,” Tammy Myers told lawmakers at a Michigan Senate committee hearing in March.
Instead, the state’s surrogacy restrictions required the Myers to legally adopt their biological twins, Eames and Ellison.
“Despite finally being granted legal parenthood of our twins almost two years after they were born, our wounds from this situation remain raw, casting a long shadow over the cherished memories that we missed,” Myers told lawmakers, her voice catching.
Until this spring, Michigan was the only state that had a broad criminal ban on surrogacy. Many families say that ban left them in legal limbo: They were compelled to leave the state to have children; find strangers on Facebook who would carry their child; or, like the Myers, be forced to legally adopt their own biological children.
Gov. Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan signed legislation in April repealing the 1988 criminal ban, legalizing surrogacy contracts and compensated surrogacy after more than three decades. But the legalization is raising fears among conservatives and religious groups, who echo Pope Francis’ concerns that surrogacy exploits women and makes children “the basis of a commercial contract.”
As reproductive technology advanced in recent decades, most states passed laws permitting and regulating surrogacy. But Michigan did not, said Courtney Joslin, a professor at the University of California-Davis School of Law who specializes in family law. Still, those restrictions didn’t prevent Michiganders from having children via surrogacy.
“Criminal bans, or even civil bans, don’t end the practice,” Joslin said. “People are still engaged in surrogacy, and it’s becoming more clear that the effect of a ban is just to leave the parties without any protection. And that includes the person acting as a surrogate.”
In 2009, a couple in western Michigan had to surrender custody of twins after their surrogate decided to keep the babies. The surrogate claimed that she hadn’t been aware of an arrest and a mental health issue in the intended mother’s past. In 2013, a surrogate from Connecticut fled to Michigan to give birth, knowing state law would give her parental rights. She and the intended parents had disagreed over whether to terminate the pregnancy following the discovery of major fetal abnormalities.
The Myers family, however, thought they would be able to avoid any protracted legal fights. They had the full support of their surrogate, Lauren Vermilye, a stranger who’d volunteered to be their surrogate after seeing Tammy’s posts on Facebook. Yet even with Vermilye and her husband, Jonathan, saying that the twins belonged to the Myers, Michigan judges denied the Myers’ request for a prebirth order giving them parental rights.
“As a devoted family already raising our kind, inclusive and gentle-hearted 8-year-old daughter, Corryn, we were forced to prove our worthiness through invasive psychological testing, home visits, and endless meetings to discuss our parenting plan to prove that we were fit to raise our twins, Eames and Ellison,” Tammy Myers told lawmakers in March.
Opponents of Michigan’s repeal of its surrogacy ban distinguish altruistic surrogacy — in which the surrogate mother does not receive any compensation, including for her medical and legal expenses — from a contract for a child.
Legislators in Michigan’s House of Representatives passed bills late last year to allow courts to recognize and enforce surrogacy contracts. These bills allowed parents to compensate surrogates, including for medical and legal expenses. But as the legislation moved forward early this year, religious and conservative groups, and some Republican lawmakers, continued voicing their opposition.
Michigan’s surrogacy laws were not preventing altruistic surrogacy in the state, argued Genevieve Marnon, the legislative director of Right to Life of Michigan, at a state Senate committee hearing in March.
“However, current law does require a legal adoption of a child who is born of one woman and then given to another person,” Marnon said. “That practice is child-protective, to prevent the buying and selling of children, and to ensure children are going to a safe home.”
Michigan’s ban on surrogacy is “in keeping with much of the rest of the world,” Marnon said in March. Several European countries ban or restrict surrogacy, including Italy, which is cracking down on international surrogacy, an arrangement involving a surrogate mother who lives in a different country than the biological parents.
“India, Thailand, and Cambodia had laws similar to those contemplated in these bills, but due to exploitation of their women caused by surrogacy tourism, they changed their laws to stop that,” Marnon told the senators in March.
In January, Pope Francis called for a universal ban on surrogacy, “which represents a grave violation of the dignity of the woman and the child, based on the exploitation of situations of the mother’s material needs,” he said.
Rebecca Mastee, a policy advocate with the Michigan Catholic Conference, told lawmakers that while she acknowledged the suffering of people with infertility, surrogacy can exploit women and treat babies like commodities.
“At the core of such agreements is a contract for a human being,” she said.
“That made my blood boil, hearing that,” said Eric Portenga. He and his husband, Kevin O’Neill, had traveled from their home in Ann Arbor to the Capitol in Lansing to attend the hearings in March.
If you’ve been through the surrogacy process “you know there’s no commodification at all,” Portenga said. “You want a family because you have love to give. And you want to build the love that you have, with your family.”
When Portenga and O’Neill were trying to become fathers, they reached out to surrogacy agencies in other states but were told the process would cost $200,000. “We would have had to have sold the house,” O’Neill said.
Like the Myers, the couple turned to Facebook and social media, “just putting our story out there that we wanted to become dads,” O’Neill said. A friend of a friend, Maureen Farris, reached out to the couple: She’d been wanting to help a family through surrogacy for years, she said. And Farris lived just a few hours south in Ohio, where surrogacy contracts and compensation are legal.
Farris’ contract with Portenga and O’Neill was fairly standard. Both sides had to undergo psychological background checks and have legal representation. The contract also set compensation for Farris, which covered medical and legal fees. The contract stipulated Farris couldn’t travel to Michigan beyond a certain point in her pregnancy because if she’d gone into labor and given birth in the state, she would be considered the legal parent of the child.
That contract, Portenga and O’Neill said, gave Farris more protection and agency than she would have had in Michigan at the time. “They’re carrying a human life inside of them,” O’Neill said of surrogates. “They’re not able to work. Their bodies will be changed forever. They’re getting compensated for the amazing gift they’re giving people.”
After the embryo transfer was successful, Portenga and O’Neill learned Farris was pregnant — with identical triplet girls.
“They came out and just unraveled this huge string of ultrasound photographs and, and that’s when we knew our life had changed,” Portenga said, sitting at home in the family’s kitchen. The girls were born in Ohio — where the dads could be legally named their parents — and then the family of five returned to Michigan.
Today, Sylvie, Parker, and Robin O’Neill are 2 years old, and very busy. Parker is the “leader of the pack,” while Robin is the “brains of the operation” — she can count to 10 but likes to skip the number five. Sylvie is “the most affectionate, the most sensitive, of the three of them,” O’Neill said. “But their bond is so amazing to watch. And we’re so lucky to be their dads.”
This article is from a partnership that includes Michigan Public, NPR, and KFF Health News.
KFF Health News is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues and is one of the core operating programs at KFF—an independent source of health policy research, polling, and journalism. Learn more about KFF.
Subscribe to KFF Health News’ free Morning Briefing.
—
Previously Published on kffhealthnews.org
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Dick’s Sporting Goods is in the midst of a major sale on running shoes from brands like Hoka, On, and Nike, with Brooks accounting for some of the retailer’s most appealing discounts. Styles like the Glycerin StealthFit and the Adrenaline GTS are on sale, but the one turning heads right now is the high-stack and ultra-cushioned Ghost Max—and it’s selling fast.
Right now,
Brooks Ghost Max Running Shoes in Black/Ebony, $102 (was $150) at Dick’s Sporting Goods
The Ghost Max takes all the best features of the traditional Ghost running shoe, like great breathability and ample under-foot support, and adds a super high-stack cushion that amplifies protection and shock absorption from surface textures. This is a huge upgrade for those with sensitive feet, as it decreases the pressure exerted on the foot, and the larger cushion also provides a wider base, which helps with stability. And, though this sneaker has a more level 6 mm heel-to-toe differential (half that of the normal Ghost), it uses a rocker bottom to help achieve a smooth, comfortable stride when walking.
The maximum cushion is an immediate standout for anyone who steps into these Brooks running shoes, especially those who have to stand a lot. “I’m not a runner, but stand on concrete all day,” a shopper began. “They are, by far, the most cushioned and comfortable shoes I’ve ever worn. I’ve tried Hoka, Asics, and Oofos, but the Ghost Max is my favorite. If you need cushion in your step, look no further.” Another shopper agreed, simply saying they were “super comfortable shoes” with “lots of support.”
Brooks Ghost Max Running Shoes in Cream, $102 (was $150) at Dick’s Sporting Goods
In some cases, shoppers are even switching from their Ghosts—the brand’s most popular sneaker—in favor of this model. “I have been a Brooks Ghost user for many years,” a shopper said. “Love the Ghost Max. Superior cushioning is the key. Being a larger runner of over 30 years (6-foot-3, 240 pounds) the extra cushioning is very much appreciated. The shoes fit perfectly and the ride is smooth. My knees, ankles, and thighs thank you!”
Whether you’re looking for the perfect walking shoe or some extra protection from a daily runner, it’s well worth trying the
Prices are accurate and items in stock at time of publishing.
By Nichole Sanchez Diaz, Sanja Kostov, Erin Bearss, Milena Forte
What comes to mind when you think of “Gen Z” (1996-2010)?
Anecdotally, it seems preceding generations (Boomers, Gen X, Millennials) have seen us as “digitally savvy yet too sensitive.” And while we cannot generalize an entire cohort, there’s truth that this is generating friction in medical education.
Raised in the digital age, Gen Z faces higher rates of mental health issues than its predecessors. This cohort also has a stronger desire to uphold principles of equity, diversity and inclusion (EDI) that can sometimes challenge traditional medical teachings, thus creating novel tensions between medical trainees and their educators.
Medical training is notoriously challenging, with responsibility and stress levels increasing with each passing year. It compares to the stress of starting a new job every few months while being the least informed contestant in a never-ending Jeopardy episode. When you add in the sleep deprivation that comes from working around the clock, it’s not surprising that training can negatively impact the mental health of medical learners. A 2018 Canadian Medical Association survey revealed alarming rates of burnout and depression among resident physicians; more recent studies point to this being an even bigger issue since the pandemic. Given that circumstances have made Gen Z appear to be even more psychologically vulnerable than previous generations, what measures have been implemented to ensure their collective success and are these measures sufficient?
In recent years, institutions have rolled out wellness programs and mental health services. These are steps in the right direction, but are often inaccessible to trainees , especially during residency. The unwritten expectation of self-sufficiency discourages trainees from openly discussing their mental health needs with educators, fearing they may be perceived as fragile or, worse, incompetent.
Recent studies reflect what Gen Z residents value in wellness strategies: clear communication and community building, particularly with their educators. Despite their digital upbringing, they crave in-person teaching and opportunities to develop deeper connections with their mentors.
Educators can play a pivotal role in dismantling the stigma surrounding mental health during medical training. By sharing their personal experiences and coping mechanisms, and promoting wellness resources, they can normalize discussions around mental health and burnout; topics with which many trainees struggle but are afraid to vocalize. An honest dialogue between mentor and mentee is a powerful tool for building mutual trust and can increase the chances of identifying and addressing mental health challenges before they escalate.
As an ethnically and socially diverse cohort, Gen Zs recognizes EDI as more than a buzzword.
Gen Z medical learners can also take steps, such as understanding their program’s purpose and expectations, establishing clear expectations with their educators, and identifying existing resources in advance. If they encounter challenges, they should investigate and access formal supports offered by their programs (e.g., accommodations or extensions to training) to avoid sacrificing their well-being.
As an ethnically and socially diverse cohort, Gen Zs recognizes EDI as more than a buzzword; it is an expectation of their future workplace. Their openness to embrace new perspectives combined with unparalleled access to information online makes them more likely to challenge long-standing practices.
For example, a preceptor commenting on the risks of high BMI can provoke discomfort in a student who believes it perpetuates fat-phobic attitudes, influenced by social media discussions about patient discomfort with weighing at medical visits. The emphasis on political correctness has made some physicians cautious when teaching, fearing a backlash. To remedy this, educators can practice listening to and understanding student perspectives, especially those discordant with their own. Using this as a teaching opportunity, faculty members can discuss evidence supporting their clinical practice and share personal experiences while simultaneously addressing gaps in their knowledge and updating outdated terminology.
Learners should feel empowered to challenge established medical practices, but they need to be cautious about forming their beliefs based on virtual discourse that can spread misinformation, particularly when they have limited clinical experience. Clinical educators can often contextualize and tailor available evidence to specific patient situations based on their medical expertise and a host of varied patient experiences. Embracing opportunities for humility and shared learning enables a safe learning environment that encourages curiosity and ensures training is rooted in evidence-based practice. While these are difficult conversations, they are vital because dismissing learner concerns only leads to mistrust.
Adapting medical education for Gen Z learners isn’t about coddling – it’s about evolution. This is a call for educators to acknowledge generational differences and be willing to gradually shift the hustle culture of medical training to foster a more supportive learning environment through respectful dialogue.
Gen Z respects authority but will learn best under mentors who encourage transparent discussions around mental health and social accountability in medicine. For students to fully benefit from their education, they must also clearly understand the expectations of their roles. By embracing innovation while upholding core values in medical education, we can shape students into resilient professionals who can thrive in today’s demanding health-care landscape.
—
Previously Published on healthydebate.ca with Creative Commons License
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When it comes to gay sex positions, pleasure isn’t one-size-fits-all. Men looking for fun and different sex positions should play around with unique missionary sex positions, 69 sex position variations, and even Amazon sex position to add excitement and novelty. Experimenting with lubes and sex toys for men (think prostate massagers, anal beads, and cock rings) will only enhance the best gay sex positions, so come to the bedroom with an open mind.
Like any sexual experience, gay sex is personal and there’s a lot of experimentation that can be done to understand your preferences and the preferences of your partner.
“Some men don’t understand what exactly turns them on,” says Finn Deerhart, AASECT-certified sexuality counselor, who works primarily with queer men. “They assume their turn-on is a causal result of the objects they desire or a set of conditions. However, when it comes to sexual arousal, and the deeply personal nature of that energy, it’s less about the specific objects and more about the implied sense of meaning a man derives from his sexual experiences.”
Below, Deerhart, alongside multiple sex experts, share a guide to the best gay sex positions for men that will offer inspiration to try something new, lean into what you like most, and connect with your mind-body connection to be a better lover.
1. Doggy Style
Katie Buckleitner
How to Do It
“This one is a staple for many gay men,” says Deerhart. The receiver kneels or stands facing away from the penetrator. With hips raised, the receiver takes the penetrator as deeply as they desire.
Why It Works
“The absence of eye contact is part of why men love doggy style,” says Deerhart. “They’re able to tap into their animal bodies while enjoying a degree of emotional opacity.” Removing direct eye contact can help lower inhibitions and encourage partners to be more present in the moment.
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
|
Deeper penetration |
Can be too deep for the receiver, depending on capacity and depth |
|
Freedom of movement for the one thrusting |
|
|
Receiving partner can masturbate, if desired |
|
|
Lack of eye contact lowers inhibitions |
Pro Tip
Go slowly and use plenty of lube. We recommend Boy Butter. It’s a fan favorite among users because it’s long-lasting, easy to clean, and strikes a balance between the stickiness of water-based lubes and the greasiness of silicone. Its consistency starts like a lotion that melts into an oil as you work it between your hands. Just note this is not condom-compatible!
2. Spooning
Katie Buckleitner
How to Do It
The receiving partner lies on their side with their back toward their partner, while the penetrative partner applies lube and aligns their pelvis to the receiving partner’s butt to assume the “spooning” position. The receiving partner can arch their low back and extend their bottom leg long while bending the top one closer to their chest to create more space for the giver to rest their top leg over them and enter. “Because half of the body is being restricted by the bed, it can be difficult to make adjustments once started,” explains Dr. Rossana Sida, a licensed marriage and family therapist and AASECT-certified sex therapist in Los Angeles, CA.
Why It Works
“This is the best on a lazy morning where relaxation and intimacy are key,” says Sida. It doesn’t require acrobatics, plus the receiving partner can touch their partner or themselves, either masturbating or giving attention to erogenous zones to enhance arousal.
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
|
Heightened intimacy between partners |
Difficult to find the right angle |
|
Low-energy position, perfect for morning sex |
Hard to get the leverage to thrust in and out |
|
Lots of skin-to-skin contact |
Pro Tip
The receiving partner can place a small sex wedge or pillow, like Foam Heart Sex Pillow, between their knees if both are tucked to maintain space and limit fatigue.
3. Missionary
Katie Buckleitner
How to Do It
The receiving partner lies on their back with legs butterflied open, while the giver lies on top and supports their body weight with their arms. The penetrative partner enters so they’re face-to-face. To modify this, the receiving partner can place their legs over the giver’s shoulders for more direct prostate stimulation.
Why It Works
Missionary is a classic position that offers a high degree of emotional connection due to the direct eye contact, says Deerhart. You get feedback in real time and can read each other’s facial expressions.
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
|
Promotes a heightened sense of connection due to eye contact |
Can be overwhelming sometimes for men who would prefer to be less emotionally seen |
|
Can read facial expressions for real-time feedback |
Can be physically demanding for the penetrator who has to hold their upper body—or the receiver’s legs—up |
|
Provides direct angle for prostate stimulation |
Pro Tip
Use a sex wedge to elevate the bottom partner’s hips. We like Liberator Wedge Intimate Sex Positioning Pillow. The 27-degree angle is the ideal pitch for deeper penetration and stimulation.
4. Standing (Bodyguard)
Katie Buckleitner
How to Do It
The receiving partner stands with knees slightly bent for stability, facing away from their partner. They can stand in front of a wall and support their body weight with their hands or stand before a bed and brace their weight by kneeling one leg on it (shown). If kneeling one leg, the receiving partner can lean forward slightly and reach behind and grab their partner’s hips or thighs for greater balance. “While adequately lubricated, the penetrative partner will insert their penis, being mindful of their partner’s comfort,” says Sida. The giver should tilt their pelvis up and choose between a more sensual or vigorous rhythm of movement. Whichever feels best, both partners will need to move their hips in sync with each thrust.
Why It Works
This is an easy anal sex position to bring role play into your repertoire. Also known as “bodyguard” position due to the restraining nature of the position, you and your partner can play with domination. Moreover, the receiver can additionally masturbate while receiving anal if standing in front of a wall for balance.
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
|
Allows for spontaneity as standing means you can have sex in the kitchen, home office, or shower |
Both partners need to have good balance |
|
May be too physically demanding for an entire sexual experience, but it can start things off |
Pro Tip
Have the penetrative partner insert a vibrating butt plug like Lovehoney Butt Tingler 10 Function Vibrating Butt Plug. It’s great for intermediate users what with its four-inch length and flared base. The bulb houses a removable bullet vibrator that has three vibration speeds and seven patterns to find the right sensation.
5. Rusty Trombone
Katie Buckleitner
How to Do It
The receiving partner stands with legs slightly apart, while the giving partner kneels behind them, performing analingus (aka rimming) while simultaneously providing a hand job. The position vaguely resembles playing a trombone. For the giver, it requires plenty of coordination between the hand and mouth.
Why It Works
This is a multifaceted experience for the receiver, as it combines oral and manual stimulation for intense pleasure, says Bedbible.com sex educator Kasia Halinowska.
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
|
Provides dual stimulation as a rim job and hand job |
Requires flexibility and balance |
|
Difficulty to master coordination for giver |
Pro Tip
Get in the shower together beforehand and get really clean. This will put both of you at ease if you’re starting with optimal hygiene. Our favorite unscented body wash is Nécessaire Fragrance-Free The Body Wash.
6. Legs Up
Katie Buckleitner
How to Do It
The receiving partner lies on their back with legs up so the penetrative partner can kneel, place their hands on either side of them, and slowly ease in. The receiving partner can lift their hips and rest their calves against the penetrative partner’s shoulders, which allows for deeper penetration, as well as greater support.
Why It Works
The receiving partner won’t get fatigued having to hold their legs up on their own, and this face-to-face positioning helps “maintain eye contact for intimacy,” says Halinowska.
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
|
Promotes deep connection with face-to-face contact |
Might not allow for very deep penetration |
Pro Tip
Try a hybrid lube that comprises water and silicone, like Hello Cake Tush Cush, for greater comfort and longevity. It won’t dry out as quickly as other lubes and helps prevent tearing.
7. Back It In
Katie Buckleitner
How to Do It
The giving partner sits in a chair with knees to chest, torso angled back in a reclined position. Use pillows to provide the proper support and get the angle right. The receiving partner backs into the position and lowers onto their partner’s penis. The receiving partner should use their legs to lower up and down.
Why It’s Great
This is a position for those chasing novelty—who want a change of pace, says Halinowska.
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
|
allows for control over depth of penetration |
can be a bit awkward to get into position initially |
|
difficult for giving partner to keep legs elevated without support |
|
8. Helicopter
Katie Buckleitner
How to Do It
The receiving partner gets on hands and knees, then lowers down to their forearms, to start. The penetrative partner does a down dog over them, head positioned by the receiving partner’s feet, and aligns their pelvis with the receiving partner’s anus. The giver penetrates their partner as they lift their legs to create a helicopter shape. The penetrative partner will keep their pelvis on the receiving partner’s butt, using their arms to support their body (think pushup position), explains Halinowska.
Why It’s Great
You won’t get deep penetration, but due to the downward angle of the penetrative partner’s penis, it stimulates the head. Helicopter is fun and challenging, bringing a bit of spontaneity to your sex life if things have felt ho-hum
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
|
adds novelty to sex |
penetrating partner must have a strong upper body to maintain |
|
provides unique entry and stimulates the head of the penis |
difficult to maintain balance and find rhythm |
9. Cliff Diver
Katie Buckleitner
How It Works
The receiving partner gets on all fours while the giving partner helps lifts their legs off the ground, one at a time, wrapping them around their waist for more control and support. The penetrative partner then inserts their penis and holds onto the receiving partner’s hips.
Why It’s Great
It’s a little more advanced, but for those looking to experiment with standing sex positions, this can create a strong prostate orgasm.
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
|
Exciting and adventurous for couples |
Requires strength and coordination |
|
Provides intense stimulation |
Not suitable for all fitness levels |
|
Can be scaled to a chair to limit the load on the receiving partner’s arms |
10. Pirates Booty
Katie Buckleitner
How to Do It
“This is a twist on missionary position that allows for deeper penetration,” prefaces Searah Deysach, sex educator and owner of Early to Bed. The receiving partner lies on their back with one leg down and the other leg in the air. The penetrative partner straddles the planted leg, slides in, then rests the receiving partner’s extended leg on their shoulder. “This allows the giver easy access and a great view,” says Deysach.
Why It Works
Pirate’s booty is for couples looking for a missionary sex position variation that’s outside the norm. It allows for deep penetration.
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
|
Both parties can kiss and cuddle while in this position |
Receiver needs to have good hip flexibility |
|
Receiver can stimulate his penis easily (and the giver can help if they don’t need both arms to balance) |
Lifting just one leg can cause the pelvis to tilt, which might make the penetrator hit the side of the pelvic bone |
|
Communication is easier when looking at each other |
Pro Tip
Lifting just one leg can cause the pelvis to tilt, which might make the top hit the side of the pelvic bone. To avoid this, you might have to lift both legs to keep the pelvis level.
11. London Bridge
Katie Buckleitner
How to Do It
The penetrative partner lies on their back, feet flat, knees bent. The receiving partner backs on top of the penetrative partner, between their legs, easing onto their partner’s penis while facing away. “It’s a reverse insertion position,” says sex educator, Goody Howard. “The rider can grind down, lift their hips, dance, squeeze their sphincter muscles for mutual pleasure, and put their hands on their partner’s knees for stability and leverage,” says Howard. “For even more leverage, the rider can “lower the bridge” even further and put their elbows on the bed (or floor).”
Why It Works
This position is actually the great equalizer for couples who may have larger height and weight differences. It also perfectly aligns the penis and anus and is less taxing than other non-traditional positions.
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
|
Low impact on the knees and back |
Rider needs to be careful when leaning down. It’s important to finesse and smoothly transition from upright to leaning on elbows |
|
Great for genital alignment, so big height differences don’t matter as much |
|
|
Good for plus-size couples |
|
|
Increases sensitivity for the person being ridden |
Pro Tip
To ensure you don’t have to stop before the climax to add more lube, try Lelo F1L. The long-lasting, water-based lubricant is hypoallergenic and unscented.
12. 69
Katie Buckleitner
How to Do It
Both partners lie in opposite directions: one partner’s head on the other’s cock and vice versa, sucking each other at the same time. “This position is great for Sides, men who love sex with men but don’t enjoy anal sex,” says Deerhart. “The 69 sex position makes it possible for each to relax into mutual receptivity since both are receiving oral at the same time.”
Why It Works
“The magic of 69 is it releases each man from any pre-existing, prescribed roles and allows each to stay focused on the pleasure of giving and receiving without a fixed context,” adds Deerhart. Plus, the partner on bottom can give a rim job or a blow job.
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
|
Heightens the odds of mutual orgasm |
Some partners can get overwhelmed and lose the ability to stay focused on their own pleasure |
|
No set “roles” for partners |
Related: The Best Nipple Clamps of 2024 for Maximum Pleasure
13. Lotus
Katie Buckleitner
How to Do It
Lotus is a tantric sex position. To get into it, the bottom (penetrative) partner sits cross-legged, torso upright, then the receiving partner straddles them so they’re face-to-face. The top partner can also cross their ankles or have feet touch, says Halinowska, and both partners can wrap their arms around each other. This is more of a rocking position, with the top partner controlling the speed and rhythm. To help counterbalance, the bottom partner can lean their hands back for greater support and leverage.
Why It Works
Lotus is an incredibly intimate position, as it encourages and maintains eye contact between partners.
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
|
Promotes full-body, sensual contact, and deep connection |
Might not be ideal for extended periods due to the seated position’s strain on hip flexors |
|
Hands are free to roam |
14. Squatter’s Rights
Katie Buckleitner
How to Do It
This reverse face sitting position flips the script and puts the emphasis on analingus. The receiving partner hovers their body over the giver’s mouth, taking care not to put too much body weight on their face. The receiver can use their legs to brace their weight and place their hands on their partner’s chest for balance, explains Halinowska.
Why It Works
This is a playful take on oral sex that also hedges into dominance and submission, as the receiving partner has the control.
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
|
Concentrated oral stimulation for receiver |
Might get uncomfortable for the giver’s neck |
Pro Tip
Use a wedge like Liberator Flip Ramp under the giver’s head for greater neck support.
15. Cowboy
Katie Buckleitner 
How to Do It
The receiver lies down on their back, and the receiver, facing him, eases down on the penetrator’s penis and bucks at the rate that feels good to him. “This position is great for receivers who want more control over the experience,” advises Deerhart.
Why It Works
“The receiver gets to decide how deep, fast, and intense the thrusting goes,” says Deerhart. “So they’re more likely to open up and freely enjoy being penetrated.”
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
|
The receiver can decide duration and intensity. |
This position can sometimes cause a penetrator to lose their hard-on since the flow of gravity naturally pulls blood downward in the erection. |
|
Some guys who penetrate in this position may feel too restricted, since the receiver is sitting on top of their body and taking charge. |
Meet the Experts
- Finn Deerhart, AASECT-certified sexuality counselor
- Dr. Rossana Sida, licensed marriage and family therapist and AASECT-certified sex therapist in Los Angeles, CA
- Kasia Halinowska, Bedbible.com sex educator
- Searah Deysach, sex educator and owner of Early to Bed
- Goody Howard, sex educator
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