Health

Homecoming: An Evolutionary Approach for Healing Depression and Preventing Suicide

Published

2 months ago

July 13, 2024

Part 1

Depression and suicide have been my companions as far back as I can remember. I was five years old when my mid-life father took an overdose of sleeping pills. Though he didn’t die our lives were never the same. I grew up wondering what happened to my father, when it would happen to me, and what I could do to prevent it from happening to other families.

In an article, “Being Bipolar: Living and Loving in a World of Fire and Ice,” I described my own mental health challenges and healing journey. In my book, The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression, I shared my research and clinical experience that convinced me that men and women are different in ways they deal with depression and aggression in their lives and in other ways as well.

Depression and suicide are not just problems for men, but there is something about being male that increases our risk of dying by suicide. According to recent statistics from the National Institute of Mental Health, the suicide rate among males is, on average, 4 times higher (22.8 per 100,000) than among females (5.7 per 100,000) and at every age the rate is higher among males than females:

Even during our youth where suicide rates are relatively low, males are still more likely to die by suicide than are females. It is also clear to me as my wife and I move into our 80s, we face many challenges as we age, but it is older males who more often end their lives by suicide with rates 8 to 17 times higher than for females.

In my book, My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Wound, I describe my father’s slide into depression and the despair that increased when he couldn’t find work. As a writer, he wrote regular entries in his journals. I still feel the pain as I re-read them and feel his increasing shame when he couldn’t support his family:

July 3rd:

“Oh, Christ, if I can only give my son a decent education—a college decree with a love for books, a love for people, good, solid knowledge. No guidance was given to me. I slogged and slobbered and blundered through two-thirds of my life.”

July 24th:

“Edie dear, Johnny dear, I love you so much, but how do I get the bread to support you? The seed of despair is part of my heritage. It lies sterile for months and then it gnaws until its bitter fruit chokes my throat and swells in me like a large goiter blacking out room for hopes, dreams, joy, and life itself.”

August 8th:

“Sunday morning, my humanness has fled, my sense of comedy has gone down the drain. I’m tired, hopelessly tired, surrounded by an immense brick wall, a blood-spattered brick world, splattered with my blood, with the blood of my head where I senselessly banged to find an opening, to find one loose brick, so I could feel the cool breeze and could stick out my hand and pluck a handful of wheat, but this brick wall is impregnable, not an ounce of mortar loosens, not a brick gives.”

September 8th:

“Your flesh crawls, your scalp wrinkles when you look around and see good writers, established writers, writers with credits a block long, unable to sell, unable to find work, Yes, it’s enough to make anyone, blanch, turn pale and sicken.”

October 24th:

“Faster, faster, faster, I walk. I plug away looking for work, anything to support my family. I try, try, try, try, try. I always try and never stop.”

November 12th:

“A hundred failures, an endless number of failures, until now, my confidence, my hope, my belief in myself, has run completely out. Middle aged, I stand and gaze ahead, numb, confused, and desperately worried. All around me I see the young in spirit, the young in heart, with ten times my confidence, twice my youth, ten times my fervor, twice my education. I see them all, a whole army of them, battering at the same doors I’m battering, trying in the same field I’m trying. Yes, on a Sunday morning in November, my hope and my life stream are both running desperately low, so low, so stagnant, that I hold my breath in fear, believing that the dark, blank curtain is about to descend.”

Four days later, he took an overdose of sleeping pills and spent seven years in a mental hospital receiving “treatment” until the day he escaped. The book has a happy ending, but it took a long time to get there.

I share what I have learned over the years in an on-line course, “Healing the Family Father Wound.” I recently read a chapter in the book, The Palgrave Handbook of Male Psychology and Mental Health edited by J.A. Barry, et al., by Martin Seager, titled “From Stereotypes to Archetypes: An Evolutionary Perspective on Male Help-Seeking and Suicide,” that adds some important pieces to the puzzle and added to my understanding of male depression and suicide and how we can more effectively help men and their families.

An Evolutionary Understanding of Male Psychology

“In our current age it is unfashionable to think of human gender as connected with our biology and evolution,”

says Dr. Seager.

“Gender is currently thought of primarily as a social construct, a theory that carries assumptions that gender can be fluid, molded by education or even chosen as a part of a lifestyle. Gender is increasingly seen as a collection of disposable social stereotypes, separate from and unrelated to biological sex.”

Dr. Seager goes on to say,

“This hypothesis is bad science and even worse philosophy…When held up against the anthropological and cross-cultural evidence, a social constructionist theory of gender cannot explain clearly observable and universal patterns of male and female behavior.”

I agree with Dr. Seager and have long held that we cannot understand or help men, or women, without recognizing our biological roots in the animal kingdom. In my book, 12 Rules For Good Men, Rule #4 is “Embrace Your Billion Year History of Maleness.” I introduce the chapter with a quote from cultural historian Thomas Berry.

“The natural world is the largest sacred community to which we belong. To be alienated from this community is to become destitute in all that makes us human.”

I also say in the book that all humans are also mammals and we cannot understand men without recognizing that fact. Dr. Seager agrees.

“Human beings are evolved mammals and they have never stopped being so,”

says Seager.

“Whatever social, cultural and political structures are placed upon us as humans, these cannot erase our mammalian heritage and indeed are constructed upon and shaped by that heritage, though not determined or defined by it.”

Dr. Seager goes on to say,

“Globally, across all human tribes or societies and throughout all known history and pre-history, allowing for inevitable variation across a spectrum, there are universal patterns of male and female behavior in the human species.”

Based on the most massive study of human mating ever undertaken, encompassing more than 10,000 people of all ages from thirty-seven cultures worldwide, evolutionary psychologist Dr. David Buss found that there are two human natures, one male and one female. In his book, The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating, Dr. David Buss explains the evolutionary roots of what men and women want and explains why their desires differ so radically.

“Within human beings perhaps the most obvious universal patterns of sexual differences are: Female: (1) Beauty, attraction and glamour (Including body adornment) and (2) Bearing and nurturance of new-born infants and young children. Male: (1) Physical protection (strength) and (2) Risk-taking,”

says Dr. Seager.

Dr. Seager goes on to say,

“In all human cultures throughout history and prehistory there is consistent and incontestable evidence of males taking high levels of risk to protect and provide for their family, tribe, and community or nation either collectively as bands of hunters and warriors or as individuals.”

Some view male risk-taking as foolhardy, immature, self-destructive, and harmful to women and children as well as men themselves. But both Dr. Seager and I recognize that protecting women and children and risk-taking behavior are archetypal, instinctual, positive, and evolutionarily important for survival strategies.

In the second part of this series, we will continue our exploration of ways we can improve our understanding of male depression and suicide and how we can be more effective in helping men and their families.

You can learn more about the work of Martin Seager at the Centre For Male Psychology.

We need more programs for men that are evolutionary-archetypally informed. You can learn more at MenAlive.com and MoonshotForMankind.org. If you like articles like these, I invite you to become a subscriber.

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Health

Walmart Is Selling a $2,300 Treadmill for Just $660, and Shoppers Say It's a 'Good Choice for a Home Gym'

Published

5 hours ago

September 10, 2024

Anthony Mastracci

Men’s Journal aims to feature only the best products and services. If you buy something via one of our links, we may earn a commission.

Fall is right around the corner, which means it’ll soon be time to take your workouts inside. Thankfully, Walmart has a ton of deals on fitness equipment, including power towers, adjustable dumbbells, and exercise bikes, that’ll help keep your summer fitness regimen going smoothly indoors. If you’re a runner, you’re in luck, because one of Walmart’s most popular folding treadmills just sunk in price by more than $1,600.

The Famistar 4.5HP Folding Treadmill is now on sale at Walmart for just $660—a 71% markdown on the normal $2,300 sticker price. This is a popular model at Walmart, having earned nearly 900 five-star ratings from shoppers who say it’s “just right” for their home gym because it doesn’t take up much space.

Famistar 4.5HP Folding Treadmill, $660 (was $2,300) at Walmart

This treadmill has a weight capacity of 300 pounds and features a powerful 4.5 hp motor that cranks up to 10 mph. It has an impressive 15 levels of incline and 64 built-in routines for runners of all skill levels. The belt itself is 18-by-51 inches, which is enough for confident runs, and it sits on a shock-absorbing deck that won’t kill your feet. A comprehensive dashboard helps you customize your workout while two integrated Bluetooth stereo speakers connect to your phone or tablet to keep the music flowing so you don’t skip a beat. And, when you’re done, it folds up easily to open up space in your home gym for other exercises.

Those who have brought this compact treadmill home say it’s been great for daily use. “I am in love with this treadmill,” a shopper said. “I upgraded to this treadmill and use it almost every day…I love the preset programs and how you can watch TV and it plays on the speakers.” Another shopper agreed, saying, “Good choice for a home gym and very convenient.”

Treadmills can be very expensive, sometimes running up over $2,000, which is why the deal on this Famistar model at Walmart is such a great value. Since it’s a flash deal, the price is subject to increase at any time, so make sure to grab one for your home gym soon while the savings are still around.

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Health

My Struggle to Control ADHD Hyperfocus

Published

13 hours ago

September 10, 2024

Ryan Fan

Disclaimer: this article is not intended as medical advice. Please consult your physician regarding any questions or concerns about your own health or mental health, particularly regarding medication.

As a law student who just finished his second year as an evening student, I have been applying to post-law school jobs. I work during the day as a special education teacher, so I take fewer credits than the regular law students the year below me and am competing against those students for these positions.

To be fair, we’re all only applying to summer internships next year, but in law school, the narrative is “the internship you get after your second year of law is your job after law school.” I have applied mostly to law firms, through a process known as “pre-OCI.” In the past, recruiters used to come directly to law schools to recruit students, but right now, most law firms are skipping the whole OCI process to start early and get the best candidates.

I have, for lack of a better term, been neurotic about the process. Use any word you want to label — obsessed, hyperfixated, and borderline anxious. I have had a couple of interviews so far and all of them have, in my estimation, gone well. In some, I have asked insightful enough questions that the interviewer has talked more than I did.

However, these interviews have an initial “screening” interview and then, if you pass that stage, you get called back for a more extensive, 90 minute interview. This latter interview is called a “callback,” and if you pass this second interview, you usually get an offer.

I have not heard back from a single firm about the callback.

Yes, I had all my interviews in the past week and maybe it’s just too early to hear back. But I started not only freaking out not only about the interviews, but whether I would get a job after law school at all. I irrationally started wondering whether I should ask the interviewers about whether I would hear back at all, despite knowing how desperate it seemed.

I started to hyperanalyze whether I had completely misunderstood how amicably or how well the interviews went. I started to wonder what was wrong with me that I wasn’t getting a callback. I started to doubt whether I would get a job at all, and whether wondered whether this whole law school thing was a complete waste of time.

Of course, all of these thoughts are pretty unreasonable and irrational. First of all, it’s incredibly early in the process, and second, it’s not the end of the world if I don’t get a job two years in advance of this summer. It’s not the end of the world if I don’t get a law firm job at all and just work in the government or a public interest group.

It is safe to say I started panicking. But I am the type of person that likes to channel panic into action — it isn’t always the answer, but it gives me a much higher locus of control. Instead of checking my email every five minutes to see if a law firm extended a callback interview, I started mass applying to other law firms. It wasn’t all I did to calm myself, but any time my mind focused and fixated on the process of getting a job, I would just apply more and more to cast a super broad net and maximize my chances.

The ongoing fixation and panic surrounding getting a job reveal yet another episode of an ADHD symptom I have had my whole life. It has had a plethora of benefits, but also some drawbacks: hyperfocus.

. . .

According to Royce Flippin at ADDitude, hyperfocus (or hyperfixation) is an intense fixation on an interest or activity for an extended amount of time, to the extent that the world around the person is blocked out. People with ADHD will often hyperfocus on things that interest them, and hyperfocus comes in direct contrast to the other side of the ADHD coin: inattention. Inattention is one of the most common ADHD symptoms, which, according to VeryWellHealth, is difficulty focusing, getting distracted easily, and being easily forgetful. When people think about ADHD, they mostly think of inattention of hyperactivity, but not hyperfocus.

I have often thought of hyperfocus as a superpower — as long as I directed it to the right tasks. Playing video games eight to 12 hours a day was not a very productive use of hyperfocus when I was younger. But I struggled mightily to break out of the video game habit and addiction for years. To this day, when playing some RPGs and MMORPGs, I can play video games for eight hours a day or more if I don’t set limits and regulate myself.

Whether I exhibit hyperfocus or inattention depends on how engrossed I am by the task and how interested I am in it. Something I deem undesirable, like mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, or doing the dishes, is an area where inattention often takes over. Watching TV or reading a book I really enjoy is a time when hyperfocus takes over.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but the problem with ADHD and vacillating between hyperfocus and inattention is the sheer lack of balance. Flippin notes that ADHD often means a dysregulated attention system rather than a balanced one. Hyperfocus is due to a dopamine deficiency which makes it very difficult to shift gears to another task, and is a coping mechanism to deal with distraction.

When I am in a state of hyperfocus binging a Netflix show I really enjoy, four hours can fly by without me even realizing it. When I am in a state of inattention, three minutes can drag on and feel like an eternity. I realize this is what everyone goes through with activities they find engaging and unengaging. It’s not that these are problems unique to people with ADHD, but ADHD does exacerbate them.

There is also hyperfocus when something seems incredibly urgent, when there seems like there is a life or death deadline at stake. It does not always feel like I am going to die, but something comes over me, an almost animalistic instinct that does not let me focus on anything else.

It is almost like I can internally sense and triage the importance of very urgent situations, like the last mile of the marathon, the thirty minutes before a paper is due, the day before an exam, or the day I need to finish a report without my school going into noncompliance. Because this has felt like a survival instinct, I have embraced it rather than pushed it away. I have, at times, tried to control it.

I have used some variation of the Pomodoro Technique to spend 20 to 25 minutes doing an undesirable task, and then keep going on that task if I start to enjoy it or see the importance. This has worked extremely well for some tasks, like doing law school readings I initially dread starting but eventually enjoy analyzing. When I feel like I’m making good progress, it’s momentum that keeps me going.

. . .

Inevitably, however, this hyperfocus is not always helpful and has backfired, particularly in my obsession over these law firm interviews. I can deem certain tasks helpful, but then misgauge my actual locus of control. My grades and credentials are set in stone at the moment, and without another semester of school, I cannot change them. My interview skills can be worked on, but I largely have little control over this process and do not have insight over the internal recruiting conversations or mechanisms that determine hiring decisions.

So this neurotic obsession over why I’m not getting callback interviews can be a bit unhealthy.

I think a lot of us, especially those with ADHD, can try to rationalize and embrace hyperfocus because it can be put into very productive uses. It also seems to be a lot better than the flipside inattention.

But this hyperfocus does have a dark side by making us obsessive and neurotic. I won’t attribute all of this to ADHD — I am just obsessive and neurotic by nature, too. But the ADHD definitely makes it worse.

It is bad when it is put to unhelpful uses, like social media, binging Netflix, or online shopping. It is bad when it is put to unimportant uses, and there is a time and place for unhelpful and unimportant uses because we’re all human and need to relax and have fun. But the challenge and misery is the excess, not the actual act of relaxing or having fun. Not knowing when to stop is its own curse, and sometimes be a liability when left unchecked, according to Flippin. It can lead to missed meetings and deadlines as an adult, and trouble socializing. It can also lead to poor time management when unmedicated.

People know me for being obsessive and for not being able to stop when something is on my mind. I won’t get the hint to move onto another topic, and won’t learn to read the room that people don’t want to talk about something anymore. Given my affinity for politics, sometimes my friends do not want to talk about the most controversial or sensitive topics of the day, but I insist anyway.

Personally, I don’t take medication for ADHD but am working on taming my neurotic hyperfixation and hyperfocus through giving time cutoffs. Even in tasks I enjoy or when the hyperfocus kicks in, I try to force myself to stop after 20 to 25 minutes and set limits. Sometimes, I channel that hyperfocus into another task that is also pressing, so if I feel the need to apply to more jobs, I will stop myself at a certain point so I can do the dishes, spend time with my wife, or go on a run. I will stop so I can go to bed at a reasonable time and get an adequate amount of sleep.

Again, hyperfocus has served me well in my athletic, academic, and professional endeavors. But I have to admit it’s maybe not the best for my personal life or my own mental health when put to certain uses. I won’t cut off a cognitive tendency which is a huge asset, but I will do my best to turn it off when it’s time to take care of myself.

—

This post was previously published on Invisible Illness.

***

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Health

Brooks Ghost Max Running Shoes Are Nearly $50 Off Right Now

Published

1 day ago

September 9, 2024

Anthony Mastracci

Men’s Journal aims to feature only the best products and services. If you buy something via one of our links, we may earn a commission.

Dick’s Sporting Goods is in the midst of a major sale on running shoes from brands like Hoka, On, and Nike, with Brooks accounting for some of the retailer’s most appealing discounts. Styles like the Glycerin StealthFit and the Adrenaline GTS are on sale, but the one turning heads right now is the high-stack and ultra-cushioned Ghost Max—and it’s selling fast.

Right now, Brooks Ghost Max Running Shoes are on sale at Dick’s Sporting Goods starting at $102—up to 32% off the normal $150 price. These well-cushioned running shoes are newer, only having launched about a year ago, but they’ve earned a glowing 4.5-star rating after nearly 600 votes, becoming a “new favorite” among Brooks users at Dick’s. They’re available on sale in five colors and come in sizes 8 to 14, though some have already started to sell out.

Brooks Ghost Max Running Shoes in Black/Ebony, $102 (was $150) at Dick’s Sporting Goods

The Brooks Ghost Max Running Shoes in Black/Ebony are on sale right now at Dick's Sporting Goods — Courtesy of Dick’s Sporting Goods

The Ghost Max takes all the best features of the traditional Ghost running shoe, like great breathability and ample under-foot support, and adds a super high-stack cushion that amplifies protection and shock absorption from surface textures. This is a huge upgrade for those with sensitive feet, as it decreases the pressure exerted on the foot, and the larger cushion also provides a wider base, which helps with stability. And, though this sneaker has a more level 6 mm heel-to-toe differential (half that of the normal Ghost), it uses a rocker bottom to help achieve a smooth, comfortable stride when walking.

The maximum cushion is an immediate standout for anyone who steps into these Brooks running shoes, especially those who have to stand a lot. “I’m not a runner, but stand on concrete all day,” a shopper began. “They are, by far, the most cushioned and comfortable shoes I’ve ever worn. I’ve tried Hoka, Asics, and Oofos, but the Ghost Max is my favorite. If you need cushion in your step, look no further.” Another shopper agreed, simply saying they were “super comfortable shoes” with “lots of support.”

Brooks Ghost Max Running Shoes in Cream, $102 (was $150) at Dick’s Sporting Goods

In some cases, shoppers are even switching from their Ghosts—the brand’s most popular sneaker—in favor of this model. “I have been a Brooks Ghost user for many years,” a shopper said. “Love the Ghost Max. Superior cushioning is the key. Being a larger runner of over 30 years (6-foot-3, 240 pounds) the extra cushioning is very much appreciated. The shoes fit perfectly and the ride is smooth. My knees, ankles, and thighs thank you!”

Whether you’re looking for the perfect walking shoe or some extra protection from a daily runner, it’s well worth trying the Brooks Ghost Max, especially while it’s nearly $50 off. If this is the style for you, don’t wait to get your size—many have already sold out, and once they all go, they’re gone for good.

Prices are accurate and items in stock at time of publishing.

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